The Aristopups

Chapter 2

[to Goodway before a large mirror}

Goodway: There now, Skye. That's better. We must both look our best for Mr Portre. He's our oldest and dearest friend, you know.

[She pets Skye, who meows once, then knock on the door interrupts]

Goodway: Come in.

[Humdinger steps in, panting, with his pants falling down]

Humdinger: Announcing... Monsieur.. Porter!

[Mr Porter walks in and the pups start playing with him]

Goodway: Oh, my goodness, Humdinger. I know it's Mr Porter.

Mr porter: Goodway, my, my dear.

Goodway: So good to see you, Mr Porter.

[She stretches her hand for Mr Porter to kiss it, but he mistakingly kisses Skye' tail]

Mr Porter: Ah, still the softest hands in all of Paris, eh?

[Skye smiles, covering her mouth with paw]

Goodway: You're a shameless flatterer, Mr Porter

[Ace is spinning the hand of an old patephone and Habanera from Carmen starts playing]

Mr Porter: Goodway, that, that music, it's from Carmen, isn't it?

Goodway: That's right. It was my favorite role.

Mr Porter: Yes, yes! It was the night of your grand premiere that we first met, remember?

Goodway: Oh, indeed I do.

Mr Porter: And how we celebrated your success! Champagne, dancing the night away.

[he starts to dance, humming the tune from Carmen, then he takes Goodway to join the dance]

Goodway: Oh, Mr Porter!

[Goodway and Mr Porter dance for a while, Goodway is also holding Skye, Lani and Blitz are playing around their legs, Ace is spinning on the vinyl disk jumping over the needle at each turn, untill he fails. He yelps, needle scratches the disk and stops]

Goodway: Oh, thank goodness, just in time.[She sits on a sofa, tired] Ah, Mr Porter, we're just a pair of sentimental old fools

[Lani jumps on the sofa before Blitz does and glances at him like she won, Mr Porter keeps dancing in the room]

Goodway: Now, Mr Porter, do be serious. I've asked you to come here on a very important legal matter.

Mr Porter: Wha--? Oh! Splendid! Splendid! [He sits behind a table] Who do you want me to sue, eh?

Goodway: Oh, come now, Mr Porter, I don't wish you to sue anyone. I simply want to make my will.

[Mr Porter puts on very strong glasses and makes serious face]

Mr Porter: Will, eh? Will. Well. Now, then, who are the beneficiaries?

Goodway: Well, as you know, I have no living relatives,[through a long hose in the wall, Humdinger is listening from his room] And naturally, I want my beloved dogs to be always cared for. And certainly no one can do this better than my faithful servant, Humdinger. 

Mr Porter: Humdinger? Goodway, you mean to say you're leaving your vast fortune to Humdinger? Everything you posess? Stock and bonds? This-- This mansion? Your country chateau? Art treasures, jewels and--

[Humdinger is smiling, dancing and sending kisses to the listening tube]

Goodway: No, no, no, Mr Porter, to my dogs.

Mr Porter: To your dogs?

Edgar gasps: dogs?

Goodway: Yes, Mr Porter. I simply wish to have the dogs inherit first. Then, at the end of their life span, my entire estate will revert to Humdinger.

Humdinger: Dogs inherit first! And I come after the dogs. I, me, after-- no. It's not fair! Ooh! I mean, each dog will live about 12 years. I can't wait. Anyway, it's much longer that I'd ever live. I'll be gone. No. Oh, no. They'll be gone. I'll think of a way. Why, there are a million of reasons why I should! All of them dollars. Millions. Those dogs have got to go.

[he tears his pants, taking them on]