depression poems

the story of Lila

Yep out of all nicknames my parents could've Gave me that was the one they chose who guessed that it would be the one I was stuck with my whole life.

It all started when I was in 2nd grade, I was in class when class bully pushed all my pencils, work, markers of my desk I was so upset for some reason but instead of snitching like a little kid would i cried my lungs out. Wailing and snot was my current status.

from there to 5th I had little bursts of these moments where I would cry my eyes out when it made no sense ,but I couldn't control it at all it came as natural as breathing.

6th grade was bad but not unbearable just the typical friends talking behind your back type stuff which sucked they would say awful things that I learned about the hard way.As the year progressed the usual insults of just calling me names wasnt as fun to them anymore and they spread rumors containing untrue lies that could really piece a girls heart like "she's a whore she got with _____ last night" "she's pregnant I heard she fucked her boyfriends brother" and I'd get glares whispers of the wretched word of whore,slut,prostitute and that's crazy on its own like I was a fucking 11 year old and already dragging a razor across my skin already struggling on choosing whether or not I wanted to live it was insane.  Its where I really changed from a  little girl to this bottled up raged and self loathing vile creature.

7th grade was a wreck I had friends that left me the moment they realized I wouldn't give them money or do what they wanted me to so which hurt because I was being used as a tool and no one actually treated me as a person they'd only want something out of me but I got over it the summer I started getting into weed. My older sister and her too be soon husband had offered it and lets just say I got hooked.i was addicted to the scent and the effects it gave you what could I say.

That is the beginning  of  a monster I called Lila. She got her hands on alcohol soon and she was out of the control,i didn't trust her one bit but I didn't care at all I felt depressed and sore I didn't want to face the world so I let lila do what she wanted as I just rested util I was feeling better but everything just got worst she start having friends who'd she hang out with and roll blunts and smoke all day and night.

Her parents didn't really notice at all but to be truthful they never notice her at all it all was ok since she didn't want them to know what she became and what had happened but still she was always overcome by this wanting to be loved and cared by from her parents but of course she stayed silent for obvious reasons her parents never came to her performances she was a bit of a singer,loved to do it in fact and a artist but she was overcomed by hatred from others that she quit in total she never touched a mike nor brush. When she would and created beautiful masterpieces she would be ignored so she simply fell in self doubt and hatred she decided she wanted to be there with Lila.

Lila was her best friend,Lila would never ignore nor insult her so she decided as long as Lila was there for her she would be okay.

Lila on the other hand just wanted to stay she didn't care about her but if she wanted full control of her body without any of her defiance then it would be worth it but in the end Lila got bored with the same routine of smoking and drinking.She retreated to being sadistic,harming the host she had