Because Of These Letters: Adopted by Lin-Manuel Miranda

2_Vanessa

I sit at the table with Vanessa as she drinks coffee. She plays on her phone while she does so. I don't bother eating so I just sit and watch her drink the steaming liquid. Maybe I stare too long for she turns to me. "Hey. What you doing?" She asks me. I shrug and she takes another sip of her coffee. "You sure you don't know? 'Cause you've just been staring at me for a good 15 minutes."

"I know. Sorry." I say and avert my eyes. She laughs at me but rubs my shoulder. "Sorry." I mumble again. Vanessa turns my face so I'm looking at her. I give her a fake smile. She doesn't buy it.

"Okay, Naomi, what's going on?" I try to put on a more convincing smile. "Naomi, I know you're faking that smile. Just tell me what's going on and I can help you."

"No you can't. This isn't something you can fix! You can't fix this!" I shout in frustration. "Vanessa, you can't fix this!"

"Let me try, Na. Let me try." I stood. "Please don't try, Vanessa. Nothing is gonna fix this. Nothing. Not anything you can or could do will fix this. I'm sorry! But it won't! You can't fix me!" I rush to my room. Vanessa follows me. But before she can come into the room, I lock the door.

"Naomi!" Vanessa knocks on the door. "Come on sweetie. Open up hon." I ignore her and just sit on my bed. Next thing I know, Vanessa's picked the lock and comes into the room.

"I thought you were an attorney. How'd you learn to pick locks?"

"I had a college roommate who always stole my clothes." She says, shrugging it off. "So there was that." I laugh lightly.

I stare at her for a few moments as she turns away. "I can't believe what I've wanted for so long is happening."

"Yeah. You're fostered by Lin."

"And you, Vanessa. You're an inspiration to me."

"Awe." Vanessa hugs me. I hug her back and smile. "Now, about earlier, what was going on?"

"I have this thing...I zone out a lot. Sometimes for a long time but others for just mere moments. When I zone out I lose all awareness of what or who is around me. I know you probably don't understand but it's really hard and I'm so sorry." I say.

"Naomi, do you think you might have PTSD? When you zone out, do you ever see..."

"Sometimes I see or see and feel the abuse I've endured from Darla." I say.

"I think you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, also known as PTSD." I look at Vanessa. "It's not really a bad thing, Naomi. It can get better. You just have to learn more about it and then take steps to help overcome it."

"You know a lot about PTSD." I say. Vanessa nods softly.

"Yeah. I've learned the hard way. I have PTSD too, sweetie. I was abused by my mother. My father didn't learn until after I had married Lin. He divorced her, turned her in. She confessed. She's one of the reasons I wanted to foster a child. To foster you. Because no one, no child, deserves to go through that." I hug Vanessa tightly. "When I was 16, my mom got pregnant while cheating on my father. I had to book the appointment for her to get rid of the baby." Vanessa sobs.

"Vanessa, I'm so sorry. That's terrible." I squeeze her tightly. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

"But you see, it's made me a better person. I'm a better mother than she ever was. I'm faithful to Lin. I have my perfect little family. And I don't want it any other way. I have you and Lin and Sebastian. I'm so happy with the three of you. You're all perfect. All of you."

"I know what you mean. Because of my parents, I'll never do drugs. I'll never neglect any of my future kids. And I will never, on my life do I swear, be a pushover to peers." I say.

"See, you understand, Naomi. You understand how we learn from those who are supposed to be role models but aren't. And I'm glad you are able to recognize that."