How did this stranger make me feel empty without him?
How can I miss someone that vexed me so much?
The truth is one person can change your life.
"The situation is difficult, not me," I speak out before another patient enters the room. I sink back into the uncomfortable chair.
I don't feel like existing today.
"Barth honey, where's your boohoo?" says Charlotte - a twenty-seven-year-old prostitute who also sells marijuana and LSD.
"I'm a psychiatrist not your bike power Timothy Leary."
"I mean you're cute but also really fucking creepy," Charlotte says after a few more tears.
"I mean I might have lost some of my interesting clients."
"By interesting you mean rich and single?"
"He has dark fabulous hair, dreamy eyes. The golden boy knows about you."
"I hope that you can learn to love yourself, Charlotte."
"He was something solid to lean against."
"It would all seem much more solid if you'd take your medication."
"My life is a joke and I'm not laughing anymore. Where's my happy ending?"
"Elavil is not working well for you. Give me back the bottle. We'll switch to Valdoxan. It's medication utilized in Europe."
Charlotte throws all the pills in my direction and some of them end up in my face and glass of water.
"This is a unique drug that will improve your quality of sleep."
Charlotte rolls her eyes. "See you tomorrow?" she asks me after fluffing her hair.
"No." I can't do this without alcohol.
I watch her leave like I watched him leave and then I do the only thing I know – diagnose mental disorders.
As soon as I close the door behind me I see Charlotte standing in the rain staring at her feet. Everything around her is silent and the cold air feels like a slap in the face.
"He's not coming back, Barth. He left after I told him about you."
"It's 4 am, Charlotte. Go home and get some sleep."
As I take a step towards her, Charlotte puts a blade to her throat.
"Ask me about my anxiety Barth."
There is something in Charlotte's voice that makes me think there is a meaning behind her demand that was not so undemanding.
"Things will get better with your new medication, you'll see."
"Say goodbye to me."
"You're going to be okay, just put that down."
In the blink of an eye, Charlotte sliced her throat open.
"Oh no." Somebody better pass me some wine.
The knife hits the ground first. Any other girl would have done as they were told but not Charlotte.
I feel something squeeze at my heart; possibly guilt.
Police car lights light up the street but all I can see is a blonde woman laying in a pool of her own blood.
I look at her short curly blond hair and into her blue eyes one more time not knowing what to do.
Or maybe I am trying to convince myself I haven't seen any of this before.
And then I see him, across the street. He just stares at me with that unnervingly familiar look in his eyes. He is letting the silence speak for him because he already knows the hole inside my chest is trying to get filled. Yet no one seems to notice him. Every person is hurrying somewhere, pushing aside something going inside their head.
I take a step in his direction and he smiles, thinking of what is to come. He checks his watch and then looks at Charlotte with a satisfied smug on.
A loud sound nearby startles me, but only for a moment.
"Miss, can you tell me what happened here?" the sheriff asks me. "There are no signs of struggle." He arches an eyebrow at me.
"Charlotte was one of my patients. The medicine had a reverse effect on her."
The sheriff can't seem to get his brain around what he is hearing so he blinks a couple of times.
"I had other patients to focus on which is why I left so late."
Clearly, this isn't something I plan to discuss.
I can hear Gloria speaking to me in the entrance hall, then hear the front door open and close. As a nurse, she's seen a lot but nothing like this.
The sheriff looks miserable and irritated at the same time. "What else can you tell me about the girl?"
I look across the street again but my stranger isn't there anymore.
"I am fully aware of what you're insinuating so if you're not going to arrest me move aside."
He comes across pissed for a moment, then I watch his face change as he reminds himself to accept the inevitable and move to the side.
There is no sign of the stranger now.
The sheriff looks down at me and I just leave with the hole in my chest intact. He has to get away before he might say something that he can't take back.
And me?
I'm fighting back the truth because sadness comes out at night.
That's life.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
