Our Turn

Chapter 5

- PERRIE -

"I guess we should greet each other properly." Lucas says and holds out his hand over the table. I take it, and we shake them.

"Good evening, my name is Lucas." He's so silly. Why is he trying? Isn't he angry at me for just ditching him after I led him on for so long.

"Hi, I'm Perrie." I answer. It sounds more like a question, and that is because I don't understand what he means by doing this.

"How are you today? What's up with you?"

"What are you doing, Lucas?" I ask instead of waiting for him to tell me what's up with him.

"What? I'm trying to start over."

"Seriously? Aren't you mad at me for just leaving you?"

"Do you want me to be mad?"

"No..."

"So why are you mad?"

"I just... I don't know."

"Okay." Lucas looks at me with eyes that tell me to continue explain myself. "I guess I just... I wished that you would be a little upset because in that way I'd know that what we had meant anything for you." I say.

He looks at me without saying a word.

"So, are you mad? In any way?" I ask again. 

"Are you seriously meaning that what we had meant something to you? You just left me behind and went after Jade! You didn't even give me an explanation to why until a month later, and that was by text."

"That's not true, Lucas. I called you the week after but you didn't answer! I wanted to meet you and speak in person."

"Like I'd want to see you after that." he says, and I'm so confused.

"So why are you here then?"

"I wanted to see you and get an apology from you. For what you did."

"Oh my god, Lucas. You're literally contradicting youself right now. And I want to apologize for what I did to you. It wasn't fair to just leave you without a good explanation. And it wasn't fair to just... play with you, I guess. I was very confused at that time, I didn't kow what I wanted or who I was, and it affected you. I'm sorry about that."

"Thank you, Perrie." he says. He gives me a small smile, which I return. "Can I ask you... Was what we had real? Did you mean what you said?"

For a moment I'm caught off guard. I'm not sure what to answer. I did lie to him sometimes, but I think I had feelings for him. I remember feeling the butterflies in my stomach and his touch making my body feel warm. But... what if those feelings were just because he was the first person I actually had some kind of romantic and sexual relationship with? Did I feel all that because I liked Lucas, or just because it was exciting to experience them?

When I don't answer him, his head falls down.

"I understand..." he sighs. "It's okay." He stands up and walks around the table.

"Lucas, no..." 

"It's okay, Perrie. I'll see you tomorrow."

Lucas walks out the door, and I'm left alone in the room, which now feels huge. Am I overthinking all this? Or did I not really like Lucas? Either way, I should've just told him that I did. It would've made him feel better and made me feel less guilty.

- JADE -

"It can't be that bad? Everything's gonna be normal, right?" I ask Leigh as we go home. I look at her and meet eyes that tells me 'no, it's not gonna be the same...'. Frustrated, I sigh and look out the window. London is pretty quiet tonight. People are out, but not much is happening.

"You know it, Jade."

"Yeah, I know Leigh... It's gonna change."

After a minute, Leigh continues. "It doesn't have to change that much. I mean, how you and Perrie feel for each other won't change, will it?"

"My feelings will never change." I smile at her. She responds with a smile and grabs my hand. "But what if hers do? She did like him, you know. If she felt something for him back then she could feel something for him now." My smile drops, and my worried eyes meet Leigh-Anne's.

"But she loves you, Jade!"

"Her feelings could come back, Leigh. What if-"

"Jade! You have to stop worrying about Lucas. You need to focus on how you and Perrie will be able to meet and spend time together."

"But we can't. We're not allowed to."

"Sure, but there's always a way to trick the rules. The four of us should meet and discuss this. We have to come up with something."

"That's very risky, Leigh... What if we get caught and we all get in trouble. I don't want trouble, I really don't."

Leigh-Anne sighs. "Do you want to be with Perrie or not?" she asks me, determined.

I look into her eyes. Eventually, I can't keep myself from smiling.

"I want to be with Perrie. I want to be with her forever."