Inside My Head

The Beginning

Do you ever feel as if you are going insane? Like the world is ultimately crashing with every weight left in your shoulders?

There's no place to go. No place to hide. You feel so deeply alone and  scared. You feel like you can't trust anyone. You have no idea what is happening within you.

You feel as if maybe...you just are not yourself. The feeling never seems to leave you alone. It is just always there with you.

Along with every good and bad thing that goes on in this world, even in this society. It's always there inside you.

I thought life was easy? Go to school. Get a job. That's it! No, everyone that says that is wrong! Then again not everyone lives the life that i have. Yes, i know no one is prefect! I am definitively not perfect, but no one could possibly live a story like mine.

Maybe perhaps we should start from the beginning of my magnificent story...

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
         I don't remember much, but I know it was cold. Maybe mid-November?
          I do however remember it was a weekend, me and my long-time old friend Alex Lawther would go up to our tree house my dad built me back  that same summer.
          Alex and I were the best of friends. We craved our initials in our favorite piece of wood, which pretty much built the whole thing. Still yet that one piece was different then all the others. It just stood out. Maybe that's why we liked it?
          We were only eleven years old. Alex had got his first knife. That when we carved "HD + AL" into that one favorite piece of wood. I know looking back six year ago it sounds so stupid.
          Up there in our tree house made me the happiest. It was kinda like "me and Alex had a place" you know?
          The good thing about that day was Alex was my first kiss...he'd always take me to "our place" wanting to show me the stars. Alex liked galaxies, stars, and stuff like that. I never really understood why.
           I remember being happy that he kissed me because I really liked Alex. Then hell came...
           I heard my mom crying when me and Alex walked back to the house. I remember asking my mother what happened but she tried to be strong. That's what I like most about my mamma she always tried to hold on for me. She'd told me to sit down. She said " Harper, you know I'll always be here for you baby okay!" I was truly concerned for my mother.
          My parents had been having financial problems at the time. They both were working. My father was a lawyer however, he was stressing at his work and he lost five cases in a two week time span and he was worried he was going to get fired.
          My mother actually worked at "Rolly Flowly's" the yogurt place down our street. It was me and Alex's favorite place to go after school.
          My parents fought a lot however, they did love eachother.
          I was trying to calm my mother as she was trying her hardest to tell me something. I knew what ever it was it would be bad. "Harper...your father...he's...he's gone sweetie." My eleven year-old self was so confused.
           "Gone?!" I asked. "Sweetheart, it's going to be okay!" My mother tried her hardest to  comfort me. All it got me was frustration! My heart beat faster than I thought it ever would. I was....terrified. What happened to my father? I need answers.  I was angry. So very angry. I yelled at my mother for the first time! "What the hell did you do! How could you!" She looked at me so pained and sad. I could never forget the look she gave me. Still after six years it will forever haunt me. I thought after all the bickering my father was finally done with my mother's bullshit! I thought dad left. I thought he was never coming back.
          I ran out the room! "Harper Danial's! Where are going!?" My mother screamed. It didn't help I just ran faster and faster till I got to the tree-house. I cried helplessly thinking my dad built this lovely tree house just for me. I loved him and he just left without a goodbye..
________________________________________________________________________________...At the house...
         "Mrs. Danial's..." Alex began to say. "Alex, I told you call me Sara!" "What happened?" "Alex, honey! Adam is gone. Someone shot him three times in the chest! He's dead!" My mother began to cry. "Mrs. D....I mean Sara I know it's hard but it gets better!" "How do you know Alex?" " I just do...you have Harper to be there for you" "Harper! Yes and she has you Alex!" Alex smiled at the warm thought.
         "Please Alex go be there for her she need a friend....she needs you! Alex stood there watching my mother plead!
         "Explain to her that Adam didn't just walk out. He wouldn't l. He loved his family!" " yes ma'am! Leaving my mother Alex said "Sara? Please take care!" Smiling at her as she did the same Alex ran to the tree house!
          "HARPER!!!" Alex yelled my name. "Yeah." I said softly into my tears. "I have to tell you something! Something important!" "About my mother"  I asked? Yes, indeed!
          "Is it that she's a bitch because I already fucking knew that!" "Whoa! Harper calm down!" Alex said trying to comfort me. "Get the fuck off me!"
          "Harper....I....I...I'm so sorry!" Is all Alex could say. "If you are here to tell me my mum is a good person and she did nothing wrong...then get the fuck out of my tree house!!"
          "I thought it was (ours)" he asked me. "FUCK! No my dad built it for me it's mine! GET OUT Alex!" "Harper you don't mean it!" "Yes. I. Do.!" I screamed pushing Alex out of the tree house.
          He was holding on to the edge about to fall. "Harper. Help. Me." I sensed fear in his voice. I liked it. I don't know why, but I liked the fear in Alex's voice. I smiled "here!" Holding out my hand.
           Alex was thinking that I was pulling him up. He was very wrong. I grabbed his arm, yes. But I pushed him off (my) tree house and guess what happened to Alex Lawther...