I awake in complete shock. Drenched in sweat and complete loss of hope. They were there again, in my presence. It was too good to be true, as always. Only this time, it seemed a little more real than usual. Which would be ironic. I'm not sure what is real. Such a cliché statement, I know, but it seems the most legit way to explain my situation.
I stand from my bed, walking up to my window. I see a view of the silent street. Not just silent, but empty. Like most of this damn city. I take a deep breath. Closing my eyes. I open my window. Putting one leg out, than the other.
As my bitterness and selfishness take over my whole body. No pity. No one to help me. Just me and the voice in my head telling me to give up.
I slowly begin to get off the ledge. Little by little. Only to feel regret kick in. I've thought of my decision for to long. Remembering why I'm still alive, why I could possibly still be kept on this damned planet. I fall back into my room. Falling on my back, I hug myself. I think of everything I've done. Thinking of what could have happened, what could have led to this. I can't find a way to blame myself. In the back of my head I know I'm not the one to blame. But I can't find any other way to understand what happened within half a year.
There was so much intelligence on this planet. Millions of others who can contribute to finding the cause of all of this. Someone to take my place. Yet, no one did. I would do anything to get a clue or a little piece to the puzzle to help me come to a conclusion. I've got nothing to contribute to this world, not even a simple, unrealistic scenario. I'm alone, in my cold empty room. With nothing but my thoughts.
My thoughts haunt me. Telling me what's wrong, rather than what's right. Little by little the demon within me decides to show its face. I have nothing but lost hope and bitter hate. After my selfish phase finally begins to fade. I remember I'm not alone. I have a friend. One that has stood by me for a very long time. I remember she's at the end of the hall. I could cry for help, but decide against it. I wouldn't like to bother her in her sleep. Only because I know she hardly gets any.
I'm the same way. It would be rude for me to wake her up from what little she has of rest. I act as if I'm okay, always. Even if I'm in my state of complete despair. I still keep a smile. When she breaks down, I hold her. Knowing I shouldn't bother to shed one tear. Then she'll assume the worst of things. One of us needs to remind each other that we're okay. That we'll make it through. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. We both know the worst can happen today, tomorrow, or a few days from now. I'm only feeding us lies, but the truth... the truth is too hard to bare.
There is no one out there left to tell us we're okay, once we're both in a state of despair.
