prayer ❀ jisoo / oneshot

PRAYER

this oneshot may be triggering for unreligious people.

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JISOO'S POINT OF VIEW.

screams. loud screams.

that's what's all i heard, as i hid behind a shelf that mom put me in.

i was only six years old, and dad had a little too much drink. and mom didn't want to feel the pain she felt.

yet i still felt it. because of the screams. i was so young, yet i was already aware of how cruel the world can be. how merciless and selfish it could be.

i knew deep down inside, mom was hurting. but everytime she would look at me, she would always smile and say 'jisoo-ah, mommy loves you so much!'. she kept everything to herself, thinking i would never know. but i do, and it hurts me.

and my dad, i never really got to experience his love. i never felt it. i was like a charity award to him.

i was sure that she didn't leave him because of me. because she wanted a complete family for me. so she endured all the pain just for me.

well, ten years passed. and dad is gone. he got arrested for drugs, and he fought the police officers resulting his death. they had to pull the trigger.

i tried to look for love in other men, but it wouldn't work. i tried to search for that love i didn't feel from my father when i was young. i tried to act strong, but i would always fail.

my heart was broken, and i was filled with scars mentally. is it so bad to just feel something for once? i sat there in my bed and at the back of my head, maybe what those girls said was right. i wasn't good enough.

i sat up, and brought my hands to my face as tears started streaming from my eyes. i cried, "if there's a god out there, please heard my prayer. im lost and im scared and ive hot nowhere else to go, ive come a long, long way. and im not sure i can make it much farther."

i paused, "so if you're listening, oh could you give a helping hand to your daughter?"

a year later, my path started to change. i reached out and grabbed his grace, and finally saw his light.

well, until that night when my mother died because of a car crash. i went to the club that day, to drink my sorrows away. i decided one drink was already alright, but one thing led to another.

the next thing you know, nine months go by, i was already a mother. not knowing who the father of my child was. i didn't mind the absence of his father, i was determined to make this baby's life happy. the opposite of my childhood. i swear to myself, i wouldn't make him suffer.

i was laying down the hospital bed, as i stroke the small angel's head. tears streamed from my eyes, i cried. "if there's a god out there, please hear my prayer. im lost and im scared, and i've got nowhere else to go run. ive come a long, long way and im not sure i can be the best mother."

i paused, "so if you're listening, oh could you give a helping hand to your daughter?"

well, that baby grew into a boy and he became my pride and joy. he was an honor student at his school, and he loved me like no man could. he gave me hope for this world, that everyone had a bad side. everyone makes mistakes, they only feel sorry for in the end. he made me be more positive for this cruel world.

and for once, my heart felt peace because i finally understood what love truly means.

while he was growing up, i focused my attention on him. yes, we experienced bad memories but every family does. what matters most is the good memories i was able to give him.

i laid there in that bed once again, at age ninety-nine years old. i still managed to gather all my strength to grab my sons hand to say, "there is something you must know." i smiled.

"there is a god up there, who heard my prayer." i paused, as tears started forming. "i was lost and afraid, and i had nowhere else to run." i breathed in, my breath was getting shorter and shorter. "i didn't had a clue, what to do." i paused once again, as i looked at him while i smiled.

"and then he sent me you." i let my tears fall down, "so if you're lost and afraid, and you feel so alone. don't worry, child, cause there's a father who will love you as his own." i breathed one last time, realizing it was my time to leave this place,

"just like he loved his daughter."