Can't loose what I never had

One

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, J.K is the one who owns everything ^_^

What I am, who I am, who I must be, are three different things. What I am? Well, I'm a mud-blood hating Malfoy. Who I must be? A strict, emotionless, wealthy business man just like every other Malfoy before me. Who I am? Well, I may never be able to know, I may never be able to be. Each night I'm reminded I'll never be able to be the star, the star that shines, the star people see, that they look at and see the beauty that hides within. But, what I will be, and what I am, and what people see, is another peace of dirt, stuck on someone's shoe, making peoples lives miserable, and I have to pretend I don't even care, that I take pride in hurting others.

I often find myself asking 'what if?' What if I wasn't a Malfoy? What if I wasn't rejected by Harry Potter? What if I could finally stand up and say 'I refuse'? What if I was free? But at the end of the day, I'm that one lonely, suffering kid behind all the emotionless masks I put up to defend myself. I have never heard the proud words of my father, saying he loved to have me as a son. All I've ever heard were the negatives, and that affects you after a while, affects your brain, and affects your life, wondering if you'll ever be good enough to him, to that one person you're always trying to please but never can.

I'm going to tell you about how my life fell apart, and how I dealt with it. No, I didn't deal with it, I fell apart with it, I broke, and broke, and kept breaking until there was nothing left. Until I was gone, just bits floating in the wind, not heavy or strong enough to push through and get back on the ground, letting the wind take me away. I gave up, and it felt good to give up, because once you give up, that's it. You don't have anything to give up anymore, I didn't give a fuck about the consequences, and now I'm here, utterly alone, without anyone to trust, without anyone to love. Believe me when I say, you want to hear my story, so you don't go through the same, so you won't become nothing, so you won't give up, so you won't break, and so you can feel proud of yourself, something I never did feel.

Until he came along.

My name is Draco Lucius Malfoy and this is my story.

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It all started when I had told my father I didn't want to be a business man, but that I wanted to be a dragon tamer. My mother had loved to read me story's about dragons before I feel asleep, I would lay there, listening to her read, snuggled up in my blanket, my stuffed animals, mostly dragons, surrounding me, comforting me. As my mother read I would imagine it was me taming those majestic, beast--like creatures. My house elf Tiffy had made me a sword fit for my hand out of cardboard, I would run around, defeating dragons of my imagination, go on little adventures and try to find secret places in my big house.

I had told my dad I didn't want to become a boring business man like him, that it would be too boring and it didn't seem like it was for me, I wanted to do exciting things, to go on adventures. I told him I wanted to be a dragon tamer. That was the first night I had ever gotten hit, the moment I told him what I wanted to be when I was older, he had yanked my sword out of my hand and had hit me, across the face. He had ripped my cardboard sword into two, along with my seven-year old heart.

I was hurt, so was my cheek, and I had looked up at my father, seeing who he was for the first time: a power hungry man who didn't actually love his family, who didn't love me. He had asked me where I had gotten the sword and I told him, it had been from Tiffy, to this day I don't know where she went, or what he did to her, and I don't think I want to know. I still have nightmares about it, about what he could've done to her.

I had gone to bed without supper, somewhere inside me knowing I would never be anything my father didn't want me to be, and he didn't want me to become a dragon tamer. There's something that ruins you when your young, when your brain is still growing, along with your body, and then someone says you can't and never will be able to do the one thing you want to do. They even physically abuse you, and it haunts you for a long time and messes up your mind, and your thinking. Sure, he physically abused me, put scars on my body, but he also mentally scarred and ruined me.