A Living, Breathing Bullet Through My Unsuspecting Heart

"Who here is not a victim of bullying?" The bright red, cheery guidance counsellor asked us, a group of 11th grade high school students, in what had to be her most serious voice. Half of us rolled our eyes. The other half was seriously contemplating her question but trying to look as if they wern't in fear of being bullied about it later. 

When no one raised their hands she smiled, "Exactly my point. All of you here have been bullied, so why do you still bully others when you know first hand how it affects people?"

Wait- is she accusing us of bullying? I mean, I have been bullied, but now I now that I think about it I brought it all on myself after that stupid haircut... and the braces. Well anyway, who is she to refer to all of us as bullies? There is no WE in this high school. Its Them, those people, the ones over there, and us. No definite group as a whole. We can't even agree on a mascot. Our basketball teams fight each other for crying out loud. 

I stood up to walk out of the assembly. As I reached down under my bleacher seat for my messenger bag my arm was grabbed. "Don't leave me. It's almost over and I think I'll blow up the school if your not here to tether me to my seat." Looking over to my cheesy, psychotic, lunatic of a boyfriend I sighed. 

"Get up. No one told you that you had to stay." I said to him with a bland look. My emotions were too precious to me to express that freely. Wait- that was backwards. I have no emotion when I don't like something. 

I continued to move away from him and almost smiled as I heard a soft "Dammit." As he got up out of his seat to follow me. What would I do if I had no school to bother me?  I prompted my self, feeding the imaginative thoughts with things like become an international spy who is also batman at the nearest theme park as a cover, then has a bad habit of collecting a plethora of lizard tails to make some sort of foreign dish and feed it to guests I have over to whom are really suspects of a murder case that I plan on solving. Someday.

Whatever. I was almost to the gymnasium doors when a teacher stepped up to confront me about being rude. "Excuse me miss-" 

"You're excused" I told them with a sarcastic smile and swung around their plump body to the exit gateway.

I didn't turn around as I heard Jonas shuffle around the teacher too and mutter an apology.

Once we were free I headed for my locker on the third floor. While I walked ahead of him, Jonas decided to chew me out for completely turning the educator a horrible shade of purple. "You can't just act like that around other people you know. You act like a complete and total bit-"

"Bitch?" I cut him off. "Well, you followed me so does that make you any better?" It was an honest question.

"Yes because I apologized. Which is more than you've ever done in your entire life!" He was getting heated about this. What was pushing him over the edge? Probably all of my stupid remarks and uncaring manner. Well, have fun with that, love. 

"Lets break up. You obviously don't feel for me the way you thought you would and I can't stand being around someone who threatens to blow up the school one minute than acts all self ritchous the next." I was at my locker now and pulled out my note, sketch, and music book. 

"Well, see ya tomorrow." He didn't miss a beat. His eyes looked understanding and didn't fill with loathing t my meant-to-be hurtful words. He... thought I was kidding?

"You know I'm being serious right? Please, tell me you still have that part of your brain at least?" I was truly worried for a moment that he would laugh and give me a wink that said Sure, your not kidding! But he just thought about it for a moment. After I shut my locker and started for the stairs he grabbed my hand again, which was what he usually had to do to get my attention. 

"Give me one last kiss then." And with a slow, calm peck to the lips, he turned around with a smile and walked away from me. Wow, that was easy. Well, he had to know that that was coming.  After 2 years of best-friends-friend-zoneness he finally gathered enough courage to tell me about his 'confusing' sexuality issues. With only one date we were going out and for a while I wanted to freely show my emotions to people. But time went on and besides the super make-outs' we had he was still only a best friend to me. Was I not suppose to feel the burning desire to keep my lips to his and to never leave his side? I don't really have a m I gay or straight? God, I just don't know! problem. Jonas Abernathy was my only ever boyfriend and anything close to a crush I've ever had, and  jut broke up with him. So, what now?

I made my way down a staircase in the back of the mind twisting layed out school that was only ever used by the meth kids. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. 1:23.

I sighed at the hour and a half of school that I still had to endure this Friday and made my way to the supply closet that every high school misunderstood teen main character needed. I didn't go there to spent the rest of my time in, but just as a stop on my way to something bigger. Work.

The closet was Jonas and I's place. Well, I guess it's ll mine now, considering he hated it in here.  He could never stand it because he always hit his head on something due to his 6ft 3' of height and he could never get comfortable on the floor because practically every bone in his body was sticking out of his stretched out skin. His dull green eyes could never adjust to the dim lighting and his straight light brown hair was covered in cobwebs whenever we would come out of the hiding place. 

I Pulled out my books and my iPhone and played good just-broke-up-with-my-bf-and-not-feeling-particularly-bad-about-it-even-though-I-may-just-be-lieing-to-myself music. I am a total badass (not to toot my own horn but I am) but I would still like my life to go somewhere after high school so I do get as many A's as I can put my hands on. Sitting in a dark room doing homework and avoiding a bullying assembly really makes you contemplate life.

I, Trevor McKay (*Shudders at such a stupid name, then remembers that twin brother's name is Rovert McKay and is thankful to both parents that I got the luck of the draw*), am not gay. Or bisexual. Or asexual, meaning liking no one. I might be Pansexual, which is either (i've heard it both ways) loving everyone or how i feel it is, waiting for the one true person who you were meant to be with.  Wow, I should really Google it before I screw with someones head big time.

I whipped out my phone again in the middle of a calculus equation and looked up 'definition of Pansexul.'

This is what Google had for me; 

pan-sex-u-al

adjective

1. not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.

noun

2.a pansexual person

Gee that last one really helped  I thought sarcastically and ran the first one through my head one more time. Well, I guess I would date anyone if they were the right one for me. 

That last thought was sappy so I forced myself to focus before my time was up and I had to go to work at the corner gas station for the next 5 hours.

 

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With no idea whatsoever on where i'm going with this story Ill leave you with this, but know that it doesn't end here. Nope, not even close. I would like to say that I have big plans for this story, and even though I have only the smallest Idea of what it will be I want it too succeed.