Ocean Eyes (Hetalia RusAme)

Four

Shit. America has actually gotten less annoying. No, I can't love him. I can't! He's such an obnoxious pig! I don't want to love him! God! Why?! Why does he torture me like this?! I hate this. I fucking hate this. I lay my head down on the cold, wood table. God, why? Why does he make me suffer so much? I don't get it. I hate him but I love him. I hate this feeling. I bet I look like an idiot being the only one at the table. This sucks.

I jump a little when someone touches my shoulder. "Russia? You alright, man?" Fuck, it's him. Go away. He pats my shoulder. "Russia? You alright?" Go away. He pats me again. "Russia?" Shut up. Leave. I don't want to look at you. You disgust me. "Russia? Are you sleeping?" ...I love him. No. Wait. No I don't! I quickly get up and shove America. I feel so angry. Why am I so angry? Yeah, him constantly touching me was annoying but why am I so pissed off?

"Whoa! What the hell was that for? I was just checking on you!" I stare straight at America's eyes. I regret doing that. I regret it so much. I wanna hit him. I wanna hug him. I wanna push him to the floor. Why do you do this to me? I start tearing up. His beautiful eyes make me feel so much that it's irritating. "Whoa, I'm sorry! Was I harsh? Are you alright?" America asks. He puts his hands on my shoulders, it makes me feel so scared. I pull him into a hug, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out.

My eyes widen as I realize what I'm doing. I quickly push him off me. "Dude what's up with you?" I look over to see the others staring at me. "I don't know." I stare back at America. "Quit staring at me! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He seems to be taken aback by my sudden shouting. "What? What did I do?!"

"Stop staring at me with those eyes, dammit! I hate you!" I shove him out of the way and leave the room. I slouch down to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. "What is wrong with me? I can't believe I said that. How am I going to tell him when I just told him I hate him?" I let the tears roll down my face. "This is too much for me to handle. I hate it..."