Broken ( A Tom Hiddleston fanfic )

Chapter three: Why?

I threw myself on the bed and buried my face in the pillow. "Why? Why is it so easy to fall in love, but so hard not to?" I mumbled through the pillow. It felt like I was in a deep hole and it was impossible to get out. "Don't be so hard on yourself!" Sarah shouted, waving a fist in the air and pulled her 'don't-worry-face', "Maybe he's just the answer you're looking for!"

"hmm?" I turned to Sarah in the computer screen.  We've always been skyping since I moved away. "So we don't lose touch" she said. She was a happy one, always caring about others, supporting eachother no matter what. "Perhaps..." I sighed and let go a soft smile, "or perhaps not." she smiled weakly.

Her condition was getting worse lately and you could see that, her pale skin betrayed it. I inspected the cold white room on her side of the laptop screen, full of little white wires. I was worried about her and asked "When are you coming out of the hospital?" Her expression changed. More serious. She looked down at her hands and let go a small chuckle " only a week to go." "A week?" I jumped up, " that's fantastic!" "yeah," she laughed "I assume so." and looked up, righted her back and leaned forward " Enough about me, how is he like?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes "he is-" "Wait, don't tell me," she interrupted me, "I want to guess it," and pressed her lips together "Is he tall?" "yes" I nodded. "And does he has brown, no blonde hair? You like blonde guys." I nodded again. "He is kind and ehmn smooth?"

I laughed "smooth? why smooth?" she waved her finger in the air " I don't know, I just thought that if he could play a girl like you, he gotz to be smooth" I laughed and blushed " he's not a player or anything, he's just so nice and friendly all the time and has those cute smiles which enchants you." I began to talk more to myself than to Sarah " he has those golden curls and magically blue eyes. The way he spills his food when he eats is just too adorable. Those long fingers and long legs. He has this jaw-thing he does when he's looking at something. he's just irresistible. "

Sarah giggled and stared at dreamy me while her two hands supported her head " I'm sure he's lovely."

----

I stared at the cieling with thoughts filled with Tom. I wanted it to stop, I didn't want to love anyone ever again, I promised myself I was never going to do that. I couldn't bear it to be hurt once again. Maybe Sarah was right, maybe I was too hard on myself but I didn't want to listen to her. the thought to be hurt again, was unbearable. "Damn you, Tom Hiddleston," I cursed and waved my arm in the air. "the one who should be blamed is myself," I mumbled, leaned with my elbows on the desk and covered my face with my hands.  I sighed"Tom..."

I stared at the little TARDIS on the desk and picked it up. "If only you were real," I chuckled, " then I could leave this all behind and explore the universe, alone, all through time and space." I was a big Whovian. "Just to forget this all," I smiled and put the TARDIS down.

I climbed out of my chair and opened the window. A soft evening breeze escaped out of the chilly evening air outside. The view was beautiful. I have been here for over a week, but I had never realised what a gorgeous view this house had to offer. I could stare forever at this bright red mixed with a soft orange and a yelowish touchy sunset . I leaned down on the windowsill, closed my eyes and let the wind breeze through my hair,"Even though it feels so good.."