Her Secret

Prologue

"Mum please understand! I don't care anymore! I just want to leave. Why should I stay? You don't care about me and he left us! He didn't care about us...so he left...just like you...You don't care about me anymore. You don't cook for me anymore. All day all you do is eat, pray and sleep. You used to shower so much love upon me and ask me if I prayed. You used to read the Qur'an out loud so I could hear you melodious voice. But now? Now all you do is pray then read the Qur'an quietly that I can't even hear you anymore. And then you leave..." Maryam shouted, more like whispered, to her mother who was now breaking down.

Maryam couldn't hold it in any longer. She exposed herself and her mother felt shocked. She wanted to hug her daughter but she couldn't. Her daughter was right. She didn't feel anything anymore. She saw the scars but she didn't feel a wince of pain. She just told her to cover them or else she will make a disgrace to their family. After that she left for her small room. Despite all the riots, her mother still felt soundly asleep; leaving her broken daughter in the middle of the grand mansion, crying her eyes out, pouring her heart out to get father - who she knew heard every single letter of hers.

"Why? Why doesn't she care anymore? Dad please! Since you left, mum doesn't look after me. I have to do everything myself. I'm only fourteen. How am I supposed to handle myself? She forced me to learn how to cook. I cut my finger with the sharp knife, burnt my hand with the hot kettle and blazed my clothes with the roaring fire.

I know you hear me and I know you care. I know you can't change anything though. And I know what you'd tell me now. You'd tell me to turn to Allah SWT and ask him for guidance. But I can't. I have done so much. I cry in bed asking him to forgive me. But I know he won't. I can't just cry to him in bed, I need to prove it by praying...again. But I can't. I've forgotten how to pray and every time I think about learning again, my heart tells me not to. It tells me that it is a time waster. Astagfurillah. I know it isn't but I just can't help it. I'm used to not praying now. It's only been three months since you left and I am already falling apart. But Alhamduillah, Ramadan is next week. I am going to repent, I going to come back on the right path. My Lord! Show me right from wrong! Give me light, make me strong! Keep me on the straight path! Never let me go astray!" that's what she said. Finally she cried to her Lord and she knew he'd listen now. She went and performed her wudu and started reading the Qur'an. After three months, Maryam saw light again.

A/N: Reference to nasheed Make Me Strong by Sami Yusuf.