"I just woke up one morning and thought that maybe I should just switch schools..." I said frankly when my mom asked for the nth time how I feel about transfering.
"Are you sure? Because untill now, I feel guilty that all of your efforts are wasted..." she said sadly. Somehow, I feel like my own mother doesn't understand the situation we're in. I know that she knows the the family budget and all that but I guess she values my efforts more than the money we'll spend.
"Mom, when you asked me to do the financial report on our spendings. I saw how much money could be put to waste. I'm not your only daughter. I have two younger sisters who haven't reached high school yet. I know you feel that it's all wasted and the campaign and everything but, honestly, I have no regrets. Besides, it isn't your high school diploma they're gonna look at." I tried to be reasonable. That ended our discussion...for now. I know my mom isn't going to let this go. She feels like this is her fault because she let me decide but I don;t want my parents to work non-stop just to pay for my tuition. Though we could have tried to ask for a scholarship. Admittedly, I was close minded when Icah, the former student council president, gave me a million ways just to stay in our school. Yes, I still call it "our" school. I've been there for ten years. It has been my second home and will always be.
My friends persuaded me to go back and stay while my teachers had a glimpse of joy everytime I go there to get some documents. Honestly, I want to stay but something tells me that it's time to let go and move on. I don't ever expect people to understand why I did what I did. I, myself, don't. The message is still vague. There must be a reason, my health might deteriorate perhaps? Or my realationship with my parents might be uptight all the time cause I never see them because of my duties in school? It can be anything. I don't know why this happened and I don't know when I'll know why. Maybe in His time I'll know. Right now, I just have no regrets.
