Broken to Pieces

Dying When Living, Living When Dying

._."What's worse, dying when you want to live or living when you want to die?"._.

-Quotes and notes-    

They say things are supposed to get better, how there "may be darkness but stars will still shine," but is that really true? Is someone managing our lives making sure that after something bad happens, there's gonna be a rainbow on the other end? How can that be. How can someone be that hopeful and desperate to believe that there's a bright side, or a sunny day after the rain. Or then there's optimists who believe that there's a "silver lining" to everything. To me, all of that is nonsense. There may be sun at some point, but the rain will always come back to finish the job. The sun is just an intermission. The sun is just false hope, and false security. Welcome to my life, Alianna's life, or at least how it is for now. It wasn't always this way, my life used to be as happy as a unicorn. But then it all came tumbling down...

FEBRUARY 1ST, 2017

I'm outside of school waiting to be let in and everyone was buzzing because Valentine's Day was in two weeks. But in my opinion, it sucks. It just reminds me how my crush will never like me. Oh yeah, my crush. His name is Briar, funny thing is it seems he likes my best friend, but I deny it (even though it's clear.) He has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, and he's just a little bit taller than I am. He's one of my closest friends. Along with Deshawn, Felicity, Dangelo, and Blakely. We're all a tight group of friends. I see Deshawn near the front doors where me and him always meet, the usual, but instead he wasn't alone and was with Felicity. So I run full blast towards them. Deshawn has a thing for Felicity, but she doesn't know that. Only I do.

"Hey Alianna, have you heard about the Valentine's Day dance?" Deshawn is broke, so he must be asking me to borrow money for general admission.

"How could I not? Everyone is talking about it. And no, you can not 'borrow' money from me. The last time you did, I never got any back. But yes, I guess I could go to the dance. As long as I'm not alone so how about you Felicity?"

 "Yeah sure, I guess I can for my best pal. And yeah Deshawn don't think about asking to borrow money from me either. Before you argue, I'm gonna scooch out of this conversation now..." Yeah have I mentioned the feeling is probably not returned to Deshawn?

It's rare to see Deshawn and Felicity together, I might've ruined it but who cares I see Deshawn every morning for a talk. As Felicity was walking away to the rest of the group near the parking lot, I started talking madly to Deshawn.

"Oh my gosh I can not hear another word about Valentine's Day. What's so big about it anyways? Nothing, it's all insane and stupid and who even invented Valentine's Day?!"

"First, you should totally tell Briar you want him to be your Valentine. Secondly, Pope Gelasius invented Valentine's Day."

"Wow okay. And no way! No no no no no no no no, I am never ever gonna tell him... If anyone should tell anyone they have a crush on them, it should be you to-"

"Hey guys," right then and there Briar walks up. You see, this crush has lasted for a few years. If I didn't have the guts to tell him before, why would I now?

"Oh uh hey Briar. Idea, next time instead of just popping up into conversations, you maybe should give us a heads up? What happens if we were talking about how much we hate you aye?" I laugh while saying that, to make sure he knew I was joking.

"Haha very funny. Maybe I came over here to tell you how much I hate you too, aye?" Then Briar jokingly pushes me. 

We joke with each other a lot. Or at least I know I'm joking, not sure about him. Deshawn and Briar are really close. Everyone secretly ships them, even I do. Me and Felicity started planning their wedding. It's gonna be perfect.

"Guys cut it out with your love fest, no one wants to see that. Like bros, get a room," I'm really close to smacking Deshawn. How could he say that to us? BRIAR COULD INTERPRET THAT TOTALLY WRONG!

"How about you and Felicity? Saw you guys earlier, good thing I stopped you guys from doing anything serious... like KISSING!" I had to save that before Briar got suspicious, or said anything. Deshawn is lucky I caught that so quick, sometimes I think he doesn't have a head in that brain of his.

"Ohhhh Deshawn and Felicity sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"You're so immature Briar, honestly, even Deshawn doesn't do that anymore. And that's saying a lot," I try to say it with as much tease in my voice as possible. I don't want my crush hating me, now do I?

"Well speaking of me, I have to split now. Kiddos, don't do anything inappropriate while I'm gone, the freshmen are watching us seniors 'looking up' to us..." While Deshawn walks away, he holds his hands up in a heart shape.

"Hey Alianna, do you have a crush on me?"