Dr. Ghyrn has me lay back against the chair; the plastic covering squeaks as I get myself comfortable. My heart is pounding faster - I'm not sure how this will affect me, and if I'm being honest with myself, I'm scared and excited.
"There is nothing addictive in this medication. It simply mimics the effects of the drug you have used before." the Doctor says, extracting the liquid from the jar into the needle. "This is only a small dose, to see how this medication will affect you. It should work exactly how your previous... vice had."
He grabs a strip of rubber and ties it around the top of my arm, like how I used to. My heart beats faster, my body eager for the feeling of nothing and everything all at once.
After wipg my arm with an alcohol pad, Dr. Ghyrn picks up the needle once more. He flicks the top of the needle to release whatever bubbles of air are inside. A tiny burst of liquid flies out, landing on the clean, white floor. As he nears, my heart beats faster and faster, and I adjust myself in the chair, hoping to force my body to calm down a bit.
"Mr. Hirsch, I'm afraid I cannot continue if your heart rate is accelerated." He puts down the needle. "Let's take some deep breaths before we continue." He places the small pieces for his stethoscope in his ears, then places the round part over my heart.
He looks at me, brown eyes calming. "Deep breath in... and out. In.... and out. Good. Let's keep doing this for a bit longer until your heart rate is back to normal."
I try to focus on my breathing. In and out.
In.
And out.
Every time I feel myself getting relaxed, my eyes wander to the needle, and my heart speeds. I think Dr. Ghyrn is tired of telling me to calm down, but his eyes are kind and reassuring.
After what seems like an hour, Dr. Ghyrn pulls away and moves to the needle again. I force myself to look away, so that my heart doesn't race again.
I know exactly when needle pricks my skin, and the effects are almost immediate when the liquid enters my bloodstream.
My body feels elated, lifted high off the ground. My vision is normal for a moment, but I start to smile as Dr. Ghyrn's face begins to change shape and stretch. It feels the exact same as what I used before. It feels wrong and right and I don't want this feeling to stop.
Grace comes in, looking cheery, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes. She's sad, underneath all of that. I'll have to ask her when this feeling wears off. If I speak now, it might not be coherent sentences.
The Doctor says something to her, and she nods as she unties the tourniquet on my arm. She eases me out of the chair-table and into a wheelchair. Was that there before?
She wheels me to my room, past Levi and the woman's rooms. Levi is on his bed, looking like he just had another dose of medication. The woman's door is closed.
When we get to my room, Grace helps me onto my bed, and as soon as I hit the fluffy sheets, my eyes close. My body tingles and my heart is calm. I am happy.
This is going to work.
~~~~~~
When I wake, I feel rested and hungry. I know that Dr. Ghyrn said the medication had no addictive properties, but I'm excited for the next dose.
On my nightstand sits another tray of food, this time powdered french toast, crunchy bacon, and a glass of orange juice. Two small plastic containers sit on the tray as well. On the top of them say "Homestyle Maple Syrup." I don't hesitate to dig in, cutting up the bread with the plastic fork and knife I was given.
Grace was here, when I was sleeping, but she doesn't show up to take the tray from me like she did yesterday. It is only after I press the call button next to my bed that a soft knock sounds at my door and she enters.
She looks tired.
Her uniform is a little wrinkled, and there are bags under her eyes. From lack of sleep or crying, I'm not sure which.
She smiles, but yet it isn't genuine.
"What can I get for you, Mr. Hirsch?" she says, taking the tray. I don't know if I want to say anything about how she was acting yesterday to her, or if I should ignore it. She places the tray out in the hallway, then enters the room again. She seems impatient today.
"Yesterday, when we passed the woman's room, her door was closed. Why?" I ask Grace.
She responds quickly, "I don't know. Our patients are allowed to have their doors closed whenever they like, Mr. Hirsch." Her voice is tense, and she is shifting from one foot to another.
"I'd like to write my first letter, Grace," I say, standing up. "I want to let Elle know I'm okay."
She smiles that sad smile again. "Follow me, Mr. Hirsch."
Grace leads me down the hall and into the dining room, where Levi is sitting by himself and drawing on a blank paper. Grace motions for me to sit and she walks to the side wall, where a craft cart is set up. She gives me a piece of lined paper, a pencil, and a pen. At first I think she is going to leave, but she sits down across from, me, sighing.
"Are you okay?" I ask her.
She looks surprised. "Yes, Mr. Hirsch, I am okay. Just a bit...tired, is all."
I don't believe her, but I don't want to push. "Why do you call me Mr. Hirsch, but you call him by his first name?" I motion to Levi, now onto a second piece of paper, writing more angrily with a green crayon.
She doesn't seem to know the answer to this one. "I always call our patients by their last names unless they want to be called something else."
I look at her. She seems uncomfortable, somehow. Is it me?
"You can call me Evan, then." I tell her.
She smiles her warm smile, no hint of sadness in sight. I turn down to my blank page, pick up my pen, and start to write.
~~~~~
Wowza, this was a shorter one. I promise, I got some good ideas coming, and I honestly needed this chapter to set it all up.
What's going on with Grace?
Until next Tuesday!
~ M
