Bullshit

My Journal. (Harry)

When you love someone, you'll do anything to see them smile.

But what if you're controlled? Could you still do your goal? Could you still continue to love? Could you bear the thought -- or the image rather -- of your own partner, holding the hands of another person that isn't you? Could you survive the pain of love?

Because I tried. I tried to ignore the agony, and look forward to what's waiting for us in the future.

But that's fucking impossible. In fact, trying to ignore what hurts you the most is so darn impossible.

"Harry?"

I immediately closed the small journal.

"Uh.. Hey Niall." I greeted awkwardly.

"What was that? A diary?" he laughed.

"Shut up Niall, it's not a diary, It's a journal." I argued.

"May I see the cover?" he questioned.

"Nah," I spoke. "I know later you will be reading my notes." I glared at him.

"Ohhh.. you know me too well." he smirked, cocking his eyebrows at me.

"Well, you're my band mate." I shrugged. He shook his head slightly before grinning.

"Liam said we'll go out for lunch, you coming?"

"Yeah, I'll be downstairs at 5." I muttered.

Then he left. I change for a simple Rolling Stones shirt, black skinny jeans and my boots. I fix my hair up and go downstairs to join the boys.

I froze when I saw him. He's looking good with a white tee and black skinny jeans.

"Y'kay mate?" Liam asked me. I only nod in response.

Then we go out and rush to Liam's car. Well Louis is lazy today. He didn't want to drive.

Liam parked at McDonalds, because Niall suggested it -- more like demanded it.

We got out and lead to the entrance. I am the last to enter. Niall is in the counter, he probably ordered the whole menu. Why? Because he eats too much, and he doesn't get fat.

Management texted me today saying: Harry, for the bands sake! Date Kendall Jenner!

I don't want to do this, but if I didn't, I am not a part of the band anymore. No more Harry Styles.

And I don't want the fans to disappear. Because half of them, are Carrots. You know what I mean? They only know me. Funny isn't it? But it's true!

"Harry eat it or I'll it for you." says Niall. Snapping out of my thoughts.

I love him to do this. First Taylor, second Kendall? Mental note: I'm only doing this for my band's sakes.

I ate my burger slowly. I ate light meals these past few days because that's what happens when you're stressed.

"So . . . any plans for tomorrow?" says Zayn.

"Eleanor and I will go out tomorrow." Louis spoke, his voice lacing with no emotions. He also mentioned it with a straight face.

I looked away from them and onto my lap. My heart aches. Both of us does this -- this whole hiding and faking thing --  for our band. They don't know about it though, and we would like to keep it that way.

"You Harry?"

"Yeah, with Kendall."

"Kendall? As in from Big Time Rush?" says the Irish one.

"Kendall Jenner, you idiot."

We all laughed. But Louis' laugh is fake. I know it.

I am happy for the other Directioners that supports Larry.

They only thought me and Louis are bestfriends. But as  they say, you only know my name, not my story. I agree with that. But the others, they kept on digging my life stories. Sometimes, I hate being a singer. Wanna know why? Paps, they always follow you, they don't give you PRIVACY.