Friends With Benefits

Chapter 34

Chapter 34 - Should Have

~Jake's P.O.V~

I laid on my bed with my eyes focused on the plain white ceiling. My phone was beeping constantly. It was probably the boys.

It's been 2 days since Lin left and I still couldn't get myself to get out of the bed. As soon as I heard the front door closed, I laid on the bed with my fingers wrapped on the shinny gold ring she left.

This really was it. I lost her. I promised myself that I wouldn't do anything that could hurt her purposely, but I just did.

What in the world was I thinking? Why did I even blame her. Better yet, why did I let her file a divorce?

Did I really believe that Lin purposely took the pills? Yeah, she did think about giving up the baby, but I knew she couldn't do it. So why did I blame her?

Deep inside I knew that I blame myself. I just spoke out of anger. I let someone else take the blame. And that someone was Lin. The girl I love. The incident that took place in the hospital made me realize that I'm not the right guy for her.

"Jake! Get the fuck out of bed!"

I didn't have to turn my head to know who it was. Why was Drew in my apartment, I don't know.

"Get out," I muttered with a groaned.

"Dude! You look like shit," he snapped.

I closed my eyes and turned my body to the side. This has been my position every night, where in I could spoon Lin as we sleep. Now I wont be able to do it.

"And you smell like shit."

I ignored my best friend's blabbering and just imagined Lin beside me. Her soft hair tickling my nose as her strawberry scent engulfed me.

I felt my bed dip down, bringing me back to reality.

"Drew, I don't want to listen to bullshit right now," I snapped.

"Jake, Lin's going back to London today."

My heart perked at the sound of her name. The thought of her being so many miles away from me made my heart ache and stomach turn. This really was it.

"So?" I murmured.

I intended my statement to be strong but I faltered. The thought was starting to become unbearable that the tears that I was holding and blocking swelled in my eyes.

Drew placed his hand lightly on my shoulder.

"Go get your girl," he whispered.

I shook my head.

"I can't."

"Yes you can!"

I sat up on my bed with my hands fisted.

"Drew, I accused her of killing our child! Who would do that? I told her I love her. But I hurt her! What I did is unforgivable. I pushed her away from me because I didn't want to blame myself for my child's death! But it's all my fault. I couldn't protect them," I yelled.

Drew didn't seem startled with my reaction. Instead, he looked like he actually understand.

"Now, would you make another mistake and let her get on that plane?" he asked.

Would I?

What if Lin just want me to explain? What if I apologize and tell her how much of a jerk I am? What if I tell her I love her? What if I tell her that I know she didn't take the pills on purpose?