Song/poem sketches

mmm overattachment

I want to read some Markifics but I'm so worried they'll be sad. I mean, some really seem sad just by reading the bios and looking at the cover, but I just don't want to click one that looks okay and ISN'T. Aaaaaa my heart isn't strong enough for the sad shit aaaaaa I'm going to end up crying aaaaaa I'm already sad just by seeing that there are sad ones - not even reading them, just knowing they exist. AAAAAA

Me: Why am I scared to read something?
~(Heart: ICANTHANDLEIT *deep breath in* its just that they can be so sad and I really care for these people even if I don't really know them and I don't want to think of them getting hurt or hurting me and I don't even know how people can write such painful things and I CAN'T HANDLE IT)~
Me: Oh yeah. That's why.

I should tell Ashton about this. Oh glorb what a convo THAT would be. Just me out of nowhere admitting that I read such sinful, socially-estranged and taboo things while not only getting deeply attached, but also that (since I have attachment issues) I can't seem to let certain thoughts and people go. On top of that, I've cried harder over a badly done negative ending than I have over NORMAL HUMAN THINGS such as the deaths and pains of those around me. And hah, don't get me started on the exact ones I'm attached to hah...it would take 3+ appointments to go over that while keeping it short.

It's 9:33. I'm tired. I've been tired for hours. I just cried a little writing this. I wish I could sleep. Just turn off. Not die - not yet - but just hibernate. Mmm put me in a coma.