Song/poem sketches

oof

Heyy who wants to listen to my problems?

No one?

Too fookin bad

So I have had a bf for that past year and 3/4s or so. We've been losing a lot of connection - at least on my end - when we aren't around each other. I only see him from about 2-6 on Sunday, and at no other point in my week. We text, but it just irritates me for some reason, since I don't even like being his gf when he isn't around. I know that doesn't sound like I'm a very good person - I'm not. I am human, and I am impure. But I am addicted to affection.

~{warning now for homophobes}~
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I have a bit of a crush on this girl at my school. Not the "Get in my bed, mamaçita", more of me wanting to kiss her cheek and hug her and hang out more often - which was how I felt about my boyfriend, except this time feels bigger.

I know a lot of people say not to settle, and I wasn't settling for the longest time, but it just kind of feels dead between he and I. At the same time I really don't want to leave him. It would seriously take a stab to him, and aside from that it may just be that we are young and can't mend our relationship like adults could. Not to say we've never uh. *ahem* Did.               /things/. I mean, I gave him my card - and not the credit card. Maybe I just need to be patient. But I'm just not ready to wait years before being happy again.

I hate going to his house. His family (save for his sister, as she's usually pretty understanding of personal space and how to DO THINGS HERSELF) is annoying. His gaurdians always take Saturday to go shopping for shit like groceries, even though they don't work during the week, and can quite easily do it themselves. His cousin is the worst behaved child I've ever seen. He spits him gum onto the floor(yeah, I STEPPED IN IT), forces BF-chan to pretty much play games for him so that cousin can take credit, doesn't eat anything but sugar foods, chews with his mouth wide open, leaves trash everywhere, gets paid just to pick up a few toys strewn about his room, is 6 and still sucks on a pacifier, uses diapers, and doesn't use the bathroom by himself.. Does he get any form of punishment or discipline? Surely not, from what I've seen. If I had a child that behaved like that - well, I wouldn't, really, because I'd teach it at least the slightest bit of mannerism.

His gaurdians can't seem to do anything by themselves. They don't care to learn how to work the electronics, they can't discipline the children they take care of(unless someone raises their voice at their precious little 6-year-old pacy-sucking angel), one of them cleans and cooks, so I'll give that one credit, but the other? Hmm. I can't think of anything. They take everyone to go grocery shopping, even though a single person is totally capable of doing so, they constantly make BF do tiny little tasks that at least one of them could do(especially when there is someone calling on BF), they cannot manage money for shite; they owe BF hundreds of dollars because they take his money and spend it on Gord knows what, even though HE has a JOB and should be able to have his money as he wishes, they buy the young ones gifts for no reason at all but can't pay BFs phone bill, they get so many foking sweets that half the grocery shopping was sweets(because some eat ONLY THOSE), and who knows what else. It's one of the caretaker's husband that works for money for them to live off of.

At least the last time I went over, they mostly left us the fack alone.

The thing is, he doesn't even want to leave. He sort of wants to buy land and live next door to them. I can hardly stand 4-5 hours with them, I could never LIVE near them, but then again, they wouldn't be able to live without BF because he does so much shit around the house.

I'm not sure what to do. I mean BF is already going through so much, but I can't take that pain from him any more. I used to love him more than anything in the world, but I just don't feel it like I used to, unless I'm right by him.

And she is so amazing. She has lovely, deep sea blue eyes, and long, lighter hair dyed a beautiful, almost iridescent shade. She has a smaller, thinner body type than I(not to say she's a tiny twig, I am rather football-player-esque in the body type), usually dressed in black. I could probably pick her up if I tried. She is a sweetheart, truly, and she does think I'm quite humorous. She loves animals and wants a job as well as I. She's only a year younger than I. I'm just not very sure whether or not I'd be able to just ask her out plainly. I'd probably stay a bit friendlier, a trip to the mall and lunch or something at first, maybe truly ask her out a bit later.

It's not that my BF doesn't love me, and it's not that he's mean or unloving, but I just can't feel a connection unless I'm right by him. I can't take him out until I get a car, or else his entire family will be there too. I'll be able to drive soon enough, but I'd have to get a job - probably over the summer. That and keep my grades up, which isn't too hard. I'm making A's in all classes but one.

I really do love him, at least when I can feel it. Maybe I just need to wait until we are older and can be together more.