AFFLICTION

chapter one

Affliction [noun] - a state of pain, distress, or grief; misery. a cause of mental bodily pain, as sickness, loss, calamity, or persecution.

CHAPTER ONE

Screaming, I jolt awake.

I sat upright on my bed as I wipe the sweat off my forehead. Nightmares flood my dreams at night and deprived me of my sleep. Slowly laying back down, I turn my head to read the small green numbers on my alarm clock. 5:23. Sigh. I stare meaninglessly at the ceiling. The noise of Chicago traffic echoed from outside of my apartment window. Why are people awake this early on a Sunday? I drag my tired body out of bed and walk to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. I jumped to sit on the counter to sip my water. The moonlight shined through the big window in my small living room, making the small one bedroom apartment look larger.  I bounce my heels against the old creaky cabinets and watch the cars pass. My eyes catch my pills for my Bipolar disorder. I screw the top off and swallow the large pill, gagging slightly.  I pour the rest of my water down the drain and trudge back to the bedroom. Flopping back in bed, I grab my phone. One notification. I click on the message and see it is from a friend of mine, probably my only friend, Lauren.

'Do you work this morning?' It reads. I drop my phone on my forehead. I pick up my phone and rub my forehead from the slight pain. I had to be up for work at 7. I look at the clock again, it now reads 6:05. Knowing I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep,  I grab my phone and saunter into the bathroom. I turn the shower on cold. I look in the dirty mirror at my refection. Black is smudged under my eye from leftover mascara and my hair is in knots. The dark circles under my eyes are a dark purple blue. I pick up my phone and scroll through my music library, playing music from the 'Calm' playlist. My phone plays soft melodies of Hozier's Cherry Wine to suppress my thoughts. I step into the frigid water and run my hands through my hair as the water cascades down my body. The water shocks and soothes my body at the same body. I take my time to wash my body and my hair. Feeling refreshed, I step out onto the cold tile floor.  I wrap a towel around my wet body and wipe the mirror. I check my reflection again.  The black is gone and my hair is still matted, just wet.  I grab my comb and phone and walk back to the bedroom. Shivering, i turned the heat up more. I switch on the light and sit on my bed. I stare out the window at the darkness for a couple minutes, in a trance. I never feel safe in my home, or anywhere actually. I always feel eyes watching me. I turn to make sure there is no one behind me. I know there isn't, but to calm myself I have to check. The thought sends shivers down my spine. My phone dings and the loud obnoxious noise makes me jump. I've always been scared of everything, which is one of many things I hate about myself. I grab my phone and realize I never texted Lauren back.

'Hello? McFly?' she asks, I can tell she's being sarcastic by referencing one of our favorite movies.

'Yes, sadly. 8-1.' I reply sighing.

I gently comb my hair, starting at the ends and work to the roots. I blow dry it slightly, just to make it somewhat drier. I scrunch my wavy hair with some mousse and tie my hair back into a loose pony tail. I put on minimal makeup. I walk to the closet and pull out my work uniform; black skirt, black button up, and black boots. I also grab black underwear and a black bra. I button up the shirt and roll the sleeves up, my tattoos peaking out. I shimmy the black skirt up my legs and tuck my shirt into it. I slide on my socks and tie up my boots. Checking the time again, it reads 7:43.  Grabbing my coat and keys, I walk fast down the long hallway and press the button for the elevator. I tap my foot on the ground waiting for the doors to open. The doors open, and in the elevator standing is Zach. He lives on the floor above me.

"You look nice." He says clearing his throat, turning to look at me.

"Thank you. You too." I nervously reply. You too? Really?