Darkness

darkness #1

He stared at his reflection in the water, his glasses laying shattered in the grass next to him, he could faintly see the bruise starting to form on his jaw through the blurriness of bad eyesight. The laughing of his bullies still ringing in his ears. He didn't understand. What did he do to deserve this. His mind was racing with different ideas on how to end his life. Anyone passing by wouldn't be able to guess what thoughts were storming through his head. No emotion was displayed on his face. The only hint of his feelings was buried deep in his eyes, not something that could be picked up with a passing glance.

When he finally stood to leave his mind was no longer on the brink of malfunction, in fact it was unusually clear, only one thought swimming through the emptiness of depression. He was no longer sad, he was no longer angry, he was just kind of empty, and this scared him.

By the time he had finished pondering the emptiness that had taken hold in his head, he was at the door to his house, both his parents were at work, no one would notice if he took a knife from the kitchen, no one in his family cooked.

It was long past midnight but he couldn't sleep, he could only stare at the dresser that held the blade he had stolen, his spare glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, contemplating if he should get up, to see if the pain of a knife would drive away the empty black hase that had taken over his heart and head.

Minutes later, there he was, knife in hand, looking into the dull blue eyes of his reflection. His face didn't change as he brought the blade to his wrist, it didn't give hint to the internal war that was raging in his head. Screw it he thought. He slowly put pressure on the blade as he slid it against his skin.

Blood trickling down his hand into the white sink of his bathroom. He relished in the pain, it made him feel something, rather than that unnatural cold blackness that had been clouding his head before. That black was replaced with the pulsing red of hurt.

Later that year the empty pit of darkness in his mind had grown. The pain of dragging a blade across his skin no longer took away the feeling of not feeling anything. He was standing on a bridge, staring down at the rushing water below, a deep look of longing flashed across his face. Longing for the happiness he use to have as a kid, longing for the sense of worth that seemed to abandon him as he got older, longing for the smile that use to almost always stretch across his face. The water beneath him looked dark and unwelcoming, yet to him it looked like freedom. It looked like an answer to get rid of the cold, harsh, darkness that had taken over his body.

This was the end of his life, his final action, his last movement. He jumped.