Windowseat

Chapeter One: Rain

It was another one of those days, when I just wanted to die.

Nothing was going right, everyone seemed to be yelling at me, making me feel like everything was my fault.        

I had been diagnosed with depression about four months ago, and lately, it had just been getting worse. Why couldn't anyone see that I wasn't happy? School started in about a week, and knowing that i was going to be a freshman, just scared the living hell out of me. I was growing up fast- a little too fast. It didn't help that there was going to be all those new faces, half that would probably end up hating me by the mddle of the year. I glanced at my alarm clock, and realizing that it was just 7 in the morning, made me want to go back to bed. But I couldnt do that, of course, for there was so much to be done around the house. My Mom was such a neat freak, everything had to be in place. From the straight plates on the counter, to the color-coded clothes in the wash, one look and you could tell that this house was ran with disipline. I decided to take a early jog before I did anything else, and so I changed into some black leggings and a white hoodie. I pulled on some black converse and headed downstairs. It was so quiet, a liittle too quiet. Usually, my mom would have been up by now,trying to force all that calorie filled shit down my throat, along with a few daily vitiamins. I guess you could say I'm a little concerned with my weight. Ugh, cross that out. I'm very concerned with it. like how my legs wobble, and how my stomach sticks out a bit. My mom says that 118 pounds is normal for a 14 year old, a bit low for someone 5'7 tall. but all I hear is the word 'fat.'

I just shake my head, skip the food on the counter, and jog out the door.

 

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around 10 minuets into my jog, I start to feel raindrops fall onto my head. I just smile. The rain makes me feel peaceful, and gives me time when I can just think happy thoughts for once.  My little daydreams are shattered soon though, when I see the sharp light of lightning, and hear the quick crack of thunder. I know my mom will be worried, so I decided to head back home.

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"Alexis Marie, where the hell have you've been? I've been worried sick!"

"Mom, its fine, im fine. I just decidd to take a quick jog. It helps me-"

"Listen, I don't give a fuck about how it helps you, you scared me to death, now please, go up to your room for the rest of the day, ill bring up lunch and dinner to you later on. You have had breakfeast, right?"

I bite the inside of my cheek.

"um, yeah, I have."

she says no more, and beliving my lie, she sends me up to my room.

This is so unfair! like all I did was go on a small jog, not even past 6 blocks. And its kind of fumny, beacause she would never care about me, or my safety, or anything that has to do with me. I bet she just wants me to look clean and pretty, for all her friends, to add to her 'perfect life'. Thats one thing that makes me sad. She dosen't care about me. And it seems like no one else does either.

That night, i go to bed again, without eating breakfeast, or lunch, or even dinner, yet I still have one of the greatest dreams.

its so great, because with the pitter-patter of the rain against my window, and the little pixie fairy in my dreams combined,

it seems that peter pan has came to save me again tonight.