Do you ever just feel like the biggest screw up on Earth? Yh, me too. I can't look at what is going on in my life without thinking, I screwed that up, it's all my fault. Everything is my fault. And it aches my heart knowing I did this shit to myself and other people. I now know why people look down at me like a piece of trash ready to be thrown away. It's because I'm the ugliest, fattest dick alive. I understand why people don't chose me. Why I'm the last person on their mind. Because looking at me now, I wouldn't choose me either. I wouldn't want to be seen with myself. And I don't think anyone else want to either.
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The bullying got worse. I walked to my locker one morning only to see it covered in red words saying 'slut' and and telling me to kill myself. Towards the end of the day I found out the group of girls found my 'diary' and read it. It says things like "I want to end my life here" and shit like that so they said to me "if you wanna Kill yourself then why don't you do it!" Then they grabbed my phone out my hand and threw it to the floor, then another girl stomped on it. Then they beat me. Again! Once I had found some strength I ran home. I didn't care if it was only half way through the school day. I didn't care that I could have got into so much trouble if the school found out. I just ran. Instead of going home, I decided to go to the woods. The only safe place in this world. Well....So I thought. I ran to my special hideout. When I reached it, I sat on the stool and looked around. There were buntings of leaves draping from tree to tree. And the stick tent I had made when I was little. As old as it is, the tatty blanket I wrapped around it was still laying there. I walked up to it and gently placed my hand on it. Tears started to drop as memories filled my mind. Like the time my dad and I were down there. That was when we built the tent. It took a while but we finally did it. And after that we made the buntings and draped them over the hideout. Me and my dad would go there everyday after he had picked me up. We would sit in the tent and tell stories and jokes. Then we would play a game. Sometimes we played tag and sometimes we played hide and seek. Either way...I loved it. More tears flooded my face. I miss him. I miss my dad. SO MUCH! I sat in the tent and gazed at the decoration me and my dad had put up. There were fairy lights coving every inch. And blankets to cover the dirty branches. There were pillows and my favourite childhood teddy, perched on the blankets laid out neatly on the floor. I turned the lights on, which surprising still worked, and sat down. I held my knees up to my face and cried. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to go to school. So instead I just stayed there. For hours on end.
The sun started to set and the sky got darker. But I didn't move. I didn't want to. I got out the tent and laid one of the blankets on the floor. I got the pillows and my teddy and I laid on the blanket. I just stared. I stared at the stars which were now twinkling bright. That's when I heard it. The bushes rustled and I could here giggling from behind me. I got up and looked around. Then I saw them. The girls from school. Somehow they had found me. I grabbed my stuff and ran. I didn't want them to hurt me. I ran all the way home. When I got there my mum had passed out from the gallons of alcohol she had drank. I ran to my room and searched around for the blade in my bag. I started cutting again. I couldn't stop.
I started to feel dizzy. So I went to lay down on my bed but before I could get there...everything blacked out and I couldn't move.
I woke and tried to adjust my eyes to the gleaming light from my window. I locked at my clock. 12:46. I gathered some things and an back to my hideout. When I got there, my mind filled with horror as I see everything my dad and I had built crunched up on the floor. The buntings were ripped and only ruins of the tent remained. I crouched down and started to cry. I couldn't take it anymore. I just sat there for a few hour with sadness and anger filling my eyes at the same time.
They have finally pushed me of the edge. And now I falling again... Into the hole of nothingness.
