Strangely Comforting (boyxboy)

Chapter 17

TW
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Xander's eyes narrowed at me. "You're lying. There's no way in hell you don't know how to do that problem."

I narrowed my eyes in return. "I said I don't know how."

"That's the fucking basics," Xander said, his tone getting tough. "That means you don't understand the entire unit."

"Shit Xander," I said. "You're tutoring me for a reason, you know. I don't understand a single fucking thing."

"The hell do you go to class for? You obviously don't even listen," he said, rolling his eyes. Then he leaned across the table and pointed at my notebook with his finger.

"Use this formula," he said and shoved a sheet of paper at me with numerous formulas on it. "Then plug in the variables they give you to solve for the missing ones. It really isn't that difficult."

"Maybe not for you," I muttered. "This is my first time seeing the damn formula."

Xander tapped my paper roughly with his finger again, causing my eyes to follow. "Start doing it."

I followed Xander's instructions and scribbled down the formula, plugging in the variables I had. I turned my paper towards him when I'd finished. "Done."

He looked over at what I had written and then spun the notebook back to me. "That's only the first half of the problem."

I cursed. I really needed to pay better attention in class.

However, despite how lacking I was in the subject, Xander continually answered my questions and helped me solve the problems step-by-step. When I got stuck on a part of a problem, I turned my notebook towards him. He reached out to grab it, and as he did, his sleeve slightly rid up his left arm.

My eyes widened.

Xander's eyes darted to meet mine. My heart stopped as I saw cuts that marked up his arm.

Xander hastily pulled his sleeve down to cover what I'd seen and ripped his hand away from mine. "It's nothi-"

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Believe me-"

"What're you doing to yourself?" I breathed, searching his eyes which refused to meet mine.

"Do the damn problems, Jasper," he said, looking down at the table.

"Xander-"

"Shut up," he said harshly. "Just let it go. I'm fine."

"You're obviously not," I said. "What's going on?"

"Don't try to act like my damn therapist," he spit. "I'm fine."

"Xander," I said softly. "I'm not going to let you keep hurting yourself."

His green eyes wouldn't look away from mine. "Why?" he asked. "Please, just leave me alone."

"I can't do that," I told him. "And I can't believe what I'm about to tell you."

Xander stayed silent.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, and I never will. Do you know how I'd feel if you were to-" I started.

"I won't do anything," he cut me off, his eyes serious. "I'm too much of a coward."

Now it was my turn to stay silent.

"I can't believe you're the person who found out," he said and leaned back. "I won't do anything so why can't you just let it go?"

"Because I care about you."

Xander's eyes widened and he froze.

"Jeez," I said. "You were right. You were so fucking right, Xander. I was up all night because of you. Because I couldn't stop my stupid mind from thinking about you. Because somehow, after everything I've been through, you're the one who comforted me. And you're the one who made me realize that I wasn't alone."

Xander simply stared at me, and put on a face that I couldn't read.

"Shit," I sighed. "Why am I telling you this? I'll probably end up making a fool out of myself. But you see, maybe the thought of us being friends isn't so unimaginable anymore. Sure, you still piss me off sometimes, but there are sides of you that outweigh that."

Xander finally spoke up. "Which are?"

"You're going to make me tell you?" I asked.

"You can't just say something like that without explaining," he said.

"If you really want to know, it's the little things you do," I explained, looking into his eyes. "Like how you helped Hayden's mom with the cooking for everyone and stayed back to help with the dishes when nobody else did. Or how you called me after my phone call with my dad to see if I was okay. And even now, how you're tutoring me no matter how hopeless I am in math."

Xander's eyes never left mine throughout my embarrassing revelation and I found it hard not to look away. He waited a few seconds before replying.

"Let's go," he said.

"What? Where? We're not done y-"

"Just pack your stuff, Jasper," he replied and gathered all of his belongings together. He stood up, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and looked down at me, for I had yet to move a muscle. He sighed before coming around to my side of the table. His long arms reached over me and to my materials which he grabbed and placed into my backpack. He handed my backpack to me and I rose.

"Where are we going?" I asked, following his broad back out of the library. "There's still material that we haven't gone over."

Xander kept walking at a fast pace, and I had to speed up to catch up to him.

"Xander," I said.

He stopped walking and turned to me.

"Jasper," he said. "Could you shut up for once?"

My mouth dropped open. "What? You're telling me to shut up? And here I just told you such embarrassing things that I was planning on never saying out loud."

"We're going to my house."

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