Perfect Lies

Chapter One

I used to believe the world was split into good and bad, right and wrong. However when you look closer into it, we're no different to anyone else. We all have darkness in us; it's whether we let in consume us until there's nothing left but an empty shell of a body retreating to the blackness of our mind. Darkness seems to come in many forms; some choose anger, sadness, fear and even love. These seem to be the things that irrational decisions are made on.

Take anger for example, it can blind you so quickly lost in the moment waiting to go off like a bomb. Love is quite the same, it's like a drug you're addicted to, and you keep on going back for more. Life itself is a give and take till in the end all you're doing is giving until there's nothing left.

We begin to think we make our own decisions, but do we really? It feels like it's based of everyone else's opinion of us, what they think we're good at. We seem to feed of everyone's opinion of us and make excuses for our behaviors, sometimes I feels like I'm apologizing for nothing because I'm probably going to do the exact same thing again. We get so caught up in everything going on around us that we forget what is happening in front of us, we forget what's important. To some people its love, family, money or their job. I'm still trying to figure mine out.

I'm always expected to be perfect, to always try my best and will always be good enough. It never is. Despite what I'm always told, it will never be good enough; I will never be good enough. I'm not an overachiever or athlete or pedo.To be quite honest I'm not really anything. I'm just nothing. I don't have anything I particularly good at, something that makes me stand out over anybody else. I'm just me. Maybe I'm just so perfectly perfect at being
imperfect.

I feel like I'm not in control of myself like I'm a snake about to shed its skin. I often find myself starring in the mirror waiting for myself to disintegrate with puff of smoke and a bang into some kind of horrible beast. Then I release I'm already a monster hidden inside the body of sixteen year old girl with ash black hair, soft pink lips, emerald coloured eyes and pale ghost like skin. In all honesty, it doesn't bother me. I suppose you get used to it. The awful name calling and slaps become normal in life. I don't care anymore.

I remember when I was around ten years old, we where at the beach, my brother and sister, my mum and dad. I always remember it being one of the best days. The feeling of the wet sand between my toes and the crashing waves against the rocks, the blue seashells and the sweet coconut ice cream that melted on my tongue. It was unbelievably amazing. I took in every second of that day. It appears to be my only happy memory since then, I've never been happy since.

Two years ago, my father was killed in a boat accident when fishing. The police believe he drowned after his boat capsized. It's a lie, the evidence doesn't fit together, and the whole story doesn't fit. Since the accident, my mother drinks more.

My older sister, Cara, is the picture of perfect. Blue eyes and blond hair, intelligence to match a geek, a cheerleader and popular, what's not to love about her? My older brother, Aidan, is also perfect; Green eyes like me and blonde hair, an athlete on the football team and the popularity to match. I am nothing like them.

We pretend to be the perfect little family, in a perfect little town, filled with perfect little people. However this perfect little family is filled with lies, this perfect little town is filled with lies and these perfect little people are filled with lies. Everything is lies.

My family, the Fielding's, are the living descendants of the man who owned this town. We are always expected to be the best, to be proper. I and my sister are expected to be lady like and have only the best manners. I'm the how not to be a fielding. I play sports even though I'm not very good, I don't know how to set the table with more than one set of cutlery and I'm definitely not "lady-like".

My family isn't perfect despite what everything thinks, we run from the truth. No one will admit that my father was actually murdered in case some darker more troublesome secrets are uncovered. But I don't care. I want justice. I want the truth.

We all hide behind masks of ourselves, hide behind the lies we tell which soon become believable as the truth. In fact we convince ourselves it is truth because it's the easy way out. In all honestly this family is corrupt and because I face truth, I'm the disgrace of the family.

Any town or family event we're invited to, I'm not allowed to go. This is because my mother has deemed me an embarrassment because I'm not the smartest, prettiest or anywhere near my sister and brother on that level. I stopped caring a while ago and now I'm the forgotten daughter.

I don't sit with the family at dinner, I don't celebrate my birthday and I just don't see my mother. My sister and brother practically ignore me. According to my mum, I was unplanned and she wanted to get rid of me. My dad didn't want that and that's the only reason I'm here today.

So because of his kind heart and gentle nature I get to live such an amazingly awful life but it's the thought that counts. I owe it to him to uncover the killer that walks among us. I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. The truth has to be found or else justice hasn't been found and I can't live without that.

To tell the truth I'm not innocent either. I can tell who a liar is because I am a liar. I took the blame for something I had no part in. This is the reason for the way I am. I learnt that no matter how many times someone says they will be there for you; you end up stabbed in the back.

I took the blame for a crime and now I'm considered crazy. It wasn't just any ordinary crime either. For the first time in two years, I will attend school tomorrow. I was locked up in a teenage prison facility and practically disowned by my family yet they know exactly who did it. They protect her.

The sad thing is they never protected me. Where was my family when I needed help? When I needed protection? When I need loved? This is the main lesson I learned, never depend on people. I was fourteen and they through me away. I'm done being ignored. I'm done being the disappointment.