The next thing I realized I was in Daytona, three hours away from home. They always did this to me, get me in trouble, even when we were kids Lindsey has always gotten me into trouble, trying to push me into breaking the rules so she wasn’t alone in her punishments. That’s one of the things that I hate about her, always looking for trouble.
Once when we were thirteen she meet this guy who was twenty, she told him we were sixteen and got him into getting us into a bar south of town. Sadly we ended up drunk and in his apartment with his nineteen year old friend; if it wasn’t for me lord knows what would have happened. They put me in a room with his friend, whos name was josh, Lindsey and the twenty year old, Justin, stayed in the living room and they were making out. I assumed Josh wanted to do the same but instead I told him the truth, he instead of being a pedophile, he put in a movie for me to watch and popped some popcorn and we hung out like old friends would. He was the nicest guy I have ever meet to this day. Later that evening he dropped me off at home and gave me his number in case I ever needed anything, we continued to talk for two years after that, but the summer after my fifteenth birthday Josh was coming home from college, coming to visit me and his family, he got into a bad accident. He hit a guy who was trying to commit suicide head on doing sixty miles an hour. Want to know the kicker? The other driver walked away with out a scratch.
I never saw the fairness in this, the good guys dying and the bad ones walking away okay, I loved him with all my heart, he was only one who helped me threw the things that I couldn’t handle on my own, we talked about maybe even dating when I turn sixteen and getting married when I was eighteen. Having a family and living happily ever after, him an M.D. and me a house wife because I have no confidence in myself. He always believed that I was smart enough to go to college and have a career, he believed I would make and excellent therapist for teenagers going through the same things as me. I have never meet anyone like him again, not wanting me for sex or because they were “horny” but because whenever he was with me he didn’t see a broken teenager who needed some “serious help” but saw a human being that was worth being loved.
Anyways after he died things got really bad, I started to cut and my suicidal thoughts came back, but this time I had no one to talk to me and tell me they loved me, instead I had a blank room and a head full of dangerous thoughts. By August I had tried to commit suicide four times and I was hospitalized by September, my therapist, Shelly, told me that maybe I should learn to talk about Josh, but I can’t. Every time he even comes to my, if only for a moment, I begin to cry uncontrollably.
“Why are you crying Carter? God, are you thinking about Josh again?” I nod. “Dammit Carter, Why do you do this to yourself? Do you enjoy the pain you gain from it?”
“What? I can’t forget about him, and you know next month is the anniversary of it.”
“The anniversary? This isn’t Christmas man: it’s the day someone died.”
“You deal with things your way Lindsey and I’ll deal with them mine!” I begin to yell, getting mad with what she was assuming.
“Carter” she said rubbing her temples “I am going to say this as nice as I can manage right now, okay? Will you hear me out?” I nod “HE IS FUCKING DEAD, GET OVER IT.” Stunned I retaliate and punch her in the jaw.
“What is going on here?” yelled Daniel.
“You bitch!” I yell as she kicked me in the gut. I fall down as she kicked me once again in the ribs, making it harder to breathe. Before I could get back up and hit her back Daniel had me over his shoulder, carrying me towards his car.
