Wrong fucking Impression.

slut faze

So guys, right.

Why are guys so ughhh guys?  I swear why did God make them look perfectly the same as the day before ,but nooo when I wake up I look older,  messy,  like a racoon who got chased by rabid chihuahuas! Why God why.

                                  Today's point of view~

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Ok,  for today's short stories were gone talk about how I suck at choosing guys,  how I went thru my slut faze,  how I selfishly played with guys emotions,  and few other things. Yeah slut faze when you either don't care and just want sex , when you don't have self-respect because of low self esteem, or you have weak mental and moral defenses,  these were my reasons why.

Ok,  now many people don't talk about thier sexual life because one its private.

I seriously don't know people's perspective on sex , but today were going to see it from mine.

I new about sex when I was 5 my older cousins would watch porn and make us kiss between girl cousins and I also the boys. Yeah screwed up family,  huh? So I knew of it ar a small age. Now I was a virgin till 16 I lost it to a guy whom I met in high school after less than a week of dating I gave it to him. Yeah I know ,stupid but I was raised by my dad , he is "christian" but when he was raising me during my pre teen years he would play girls and fuck around… alot , he didn't show me the value of keeping it or didn't show me I should of had said no.  Now I'm not blaming him for it because I chose it and did it because I knew right from  wrong,  I was just being a stupid easy girl. Now I broke up with him had a break down blah blah blah cried,  then I had sex again with another bf after the same thing a week in the back of his car,  then again some time later after I broke up with him .

I had known this guy a while ago while I was dating the other guy. let's name him shorty,  because he was shorter than me. Now we met thru this girl I babysat and after four months of talking we met and I really fell for this guy , but that didn't change me on the the first day I met him we had sex!  yeah slut mode 100%, but we kept dating for a while .

Now while we were dating we had so much trouble because of my dad he didn't like him because of religion and he was a mama's boy, he made us break up ,I cried for him days and nights , because I fell deeply more than I had realized .We even stopped having sex because I told him I didn't want to feel like a ho anymore  to let me be ready,  he knew my past,  my fears, I was naked infront of him, he made me feel beautiful. We made so much plans I was even going to run away with him because I loved him , but it wasnt enough my dad talked to me about  my future,  he made me realize what was reality.  Let me tell you reality is mean and a fucking bitch . I left him after so much we went through, I was pissed so I invited this boy over and we made out and we became fwb.

I lost the meaning of life and respect for me for a moment a long one.  I had sex :/ with bad people ,not bad just not the correct ones at all,  i got threaten,  blackmailed,  did the worst fucking choices( ill tell you guys about them later),  tired dating my ex, tired dating new people,  fell for a guys who's taken.

My self respect? My own person? My wierd patito? I'm just nearly getting it back again after half a year of pure, pure, pureeee b.s I started getting my shit together.

I saw him(shorty)  a while ago where I worked,  he look good short as always ,thinner , he looked pained :/ we talked for a while but I told him we can't be together we took different ways of life now. 

today's story was about gaining the respect I never had for myself.

Later I will tell yall more specifically about whom I made the stupid choices with.