The Apocalypse of Plants

Morgan

Every night, I dream you're still here.

The ghost by my side, so perfect, so clear.

When I awake, you'll disappear,

Back to the shadows

With all I hold dear.

With all I hold dear.

I dream you're still here.

The words echo in my head like a mantra, never once stopping, just repeating over and over.

When I was thirteen, my sister's best friend, Anna, and my sister's boyfriend, Johnny, died in a car accident. She was sixteen and devastated, and in her eyes, completely alone. My brother, Chase, and I tried to be there for her, but there was no consoling Darcy.

She spent her days holed up in her room, blasting sad music, but in some strange way, it made her feel better. Maybe it helped to know she wasn't the only one out there who was suffering. It probably didn't help much when my brother was prom king that year with his girlfriend of two years.

Anyway, Still Here by Digital Daggers was the song she played most commonly. She'd play it ten or eleven times in a row, then go downstairs for dinner and hum it under her breath while she was eating. I knew all the words by heart and could sing it word-for-word in my sleep.

I'd forgotten about the song up until now, when I realized just how much I missed Darcy and Chase.

And I miss Laina, too. She was so easy to talk to.

I wanted to tell her everything. But I couldn't. I had the words on my tongue, but I couldn't force them out of my mouth.

Why?

Because it's me. And I'm like that.

Here's a fact about me: I'm a coward. I strive for a normal life and a happy ending and I'm afraid of my past getting in the way. So I keep my childhood bottled up inside me and don't tell anyone anything. I'm closed off to everyone because I'm worried they won't accept me. That they'll shun me if they learn the truth.

That's also where the song is from.

Darcy played it when Anna and Johnny died, and I like to think she played it after I would run away for a few hours every once in awhile.

But I know better. Dad threw her bluetooth speaker away after she abused it by playing too many heartbreaking songs on it.

Maybe Still Here played in her head and she'd whisper along to it. Maybe Darcy stared out the window, waiting for me to come home.

~~~

I've been walking for awhile, with no real destination in mind. I guess there really isn't a final destination, unless you're counting heaven, or wherever you go when you die. Which I'm not.

I miss having someone to talk to. I'm so alone, both physically and mentally, and I'm not a huge fan of isolation.

I wish I had someone here. Anyone.

As soon as I think that, a girl with a dog in her arms sprints toward me, leans forward, and throws up.

I turn around to be polite and give her a second.

I'm not quite sure what just happened. I guess God was listening. So I try to make a few more wishes-I wish for grilled cheese, I wish for Mother Nature to stop trying to kill us, I wish I could see Darcy and Chase again-but nothing happens. Maybe God has a one wish per day rule or something.

"Um, you can turn around now," the girl says, so I do. She has long, strawberry blonde hair and emerald green eyes. She's pretty pale, with a gray tank-top and a red leather jacket, jeans, and boots. She looks average, I guess.

"You good?" I ask. She swipes at tears I didn't see before on her face.

"Fine," she answers hastily.

"Where's the fire?" I joke, referring to how fast she ran over here. Confusion colors her face.

"What are you talking about?" There's a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Ah, nevermind."

"No, seriously. Is there a fire?" she asks, looking like she's about to freak out.

"No, no, it was a joke! There's no fire. Not anymore," I say, an edge to my voice. I can tell there's a story with fire and this girl. I'm trying to prompt her into explaining, but she visibly relaxes and that's that.

"I'm Tally," she offers when the silence stretches on. "And this is Scout," she says, nodding to her dog.

"Morgan. So... want to tell me what happened?"

And suddenly, she breaks down sobbing. "I was with people....Johanna was jealous about her boyfriend....I don't know what happened....she's dead now....suicide....Laina said hemlock...." And that's where I stop listening. She's going on about her brother and a car but I don't hear it. She knows Laina. "And I can't take it anymore!" I step forward and awkwardly place my arms around her. I want her to stop crying.

She finally sniffles and shudders, then wipes her face with her sleeves. "I'm sorry," she says quietly.

"You're okay," I tell her. "You're okay."

We stay like that for a little while-just me holding her while she shakes-then she pulls back.

"I'm sorry," she says again. A trace of a smile appears on my lips.

"You're okay," I repeat.

She takes a deep breath. "I'm okay."

Confident that she is okay, I decide to ask the question that's on my mind. "You said something about Laina?"

"Yeah. I met her and two other people. Johanna and Preston. They're together. You know her?"

"Yeah. We met like an hour ago. She seems nice," I say, careful not to reveal too much.

She shrugs. "I guess."

"So you ran away because she ate hemlock? Laina or Johanna?" I ask, worried that it was Laina.

"Johanna ate it. Laina was there. I saw the body, but instead of seeing Johanna, I saw my brother. And I ran," she confesses.

"Your brother. He...killed himself?"

She nods, tears appearing in her eyes. "Drove his car off a bridge."

"I'm really sorry," I say. "That must suck." She laughs bitterly.

"Yeah, it does," she remarks coldly.

We lapse into silence.

"Were you planning on going back to Laina?" I ask hopefully. Please say yes, I silently add.