In this book there will be self harm and deep content you have been warned.
These days I feel the pain of being hated unwanted and just left behind. Well I should probably start at the beginning of my story my name is Coal, it all starts when I was just a little elementary schooler 2nd grade. You would think kids that age couldn't be so crul, but they are I would be on the swing reading a book and the other boys would take my book rip it up and push me down throwing rocks at me. No matter how much I cried and told them to stop my little broken voice wouldn't be heard, the bell would ring and I would call that the bell of safety. Slowly grabing my torn up book and wiping the tears away I go inside to afraid to tell the teacher what happened. That went on every day until the teacher cout the boys in their act, they didn't bother me for the rest of the year it made me feel happy for the first time in awhile.
Let's now talk about middle school 6th grade, new school new me right!, wrong very very wrong, new bullies boys girls everyone was agents me, I'm a shy kid easy to hurt I never made a friend for the first two months just being bullied and beaten up but then I saw a girl who made my life change. Her name was Liz she is the new girl we had a few classes together she's smart and kind. Two weeks go bye I started cutting that was my escape but I made sure no one saw them, a few more weeks went bye and I felt I was ready to give Liz a note that I wrote to ask her out. Here's what the note said.
Dear Liz, my name is Coal we have some classes together im the boy in the back with black hair im quite so you probably never noticed me, but I would like to ask you a question oh and please don't show anyone this note it is only for your bright blue eyes, will you be my girlfriend circle yes or no
From:Coal
God I felt so nervous but I put the note in her locker and walked away hoping she would open her locker see it and say yes. The next day I opened my locker and the note! It fell out I herry and unfolded it and it said yes! Omg it said yes! That day I went over to her before class and said hi to her and we started talking. The Bell rang time for class to start im still amazed she said yes... to me.... The loner kid that gets beat up and cuts and now I have someone to live for.
7th grade still dating Liz but depression is getting worse it's pulling me in like the gravitational pull of a black hole. A week into the new school year Liz is now apart of the popular girls who make fun of me and she broke up with me and told them my deepest secrets I only ever let her know I would go home crying every day, new bruses from the bullies. My one thing that made me happy was grabing a sharp blade I took off a pencil sharpener I would go into my bathroom and sit on the side of the bathtub with my arm over it so my blood can drip in it, I would slowly but somewhat deeply write in silver and it came out red. As the cold blade cut me it would turn to warm bright red blood and drip off my pale white skin into the white tub turning it to the most beautiful red I could imagine. After I was done cutting I turned on the water and cleaned the tub and the blade then go back to my room hide the blade grab my blood stained towel from under my bed and clean the dripping blood off my arm, I then put the towel away and grab a long sleeve shirt and put it on.
Freshman year, one last new school or as I think of it one last hell hole. A few weeks into the year my mom overdose on her pills because she is a stupid drunk now I just have my dead beat dad that could never take care of himself and can't take care of me. I was on my own fending for myself getting three jobs to try to pay for are rent and food, I would go to school and sleep during class I didn't care I needed the rest more than my school work, now more and more kids have started bullying me and beating me up but cutting isn't satisfying me so I went to the store and bought some rope and bleach then went home made a nuss and tied it to a tree drank the gallon of discusting bleach got into the nuss and jumped. There was a load snap of my neck it was a sharp pain throw my whole body then slowly I couldn't feel anything I was finally dead my he'll ended but wait why can I still think and hear voices but I can't talk. Wait am I in a coma god just let me die already.
