'are you hungry?' mother asked me as I poured the make up remover on the cotton ball. I was pretty hungry actually. 'no' I said. 'don't be mad at your brother for eating all the food, he was just hungry. Actually your sister just came back and she was so hungry herself that she heated up so much food she couldn't even eat it all.'
'sounds like she had eaten well' I said, only now I was boiling inside. It is very easy to be angry at someone who ate all the food while knowing you wouldn't have what to eat, and didn't want to share. 'actually you know what? I am going to be angry at him because he always does this. Your beloved son and daughter always come home hungry,and I am no different myself, only that I think of them. I don't even ask for much food but they always eat all of it. Without a second thought. And when I get mad at them you tell me it's not worth it and then go ahead and get mad at me for losing weight. Maybe that's why, I wouldn't know. ' The words slipped out of my mouth. I was rubbing my face with the cotton ball now. I was upset. My mom was looking at me with disbelief.' you mean you're not eating enough? ' I stopped and looked at her' I mean I'm not eating as much as I would like to '.
Now I know what you're thinking. Why didn't I just went right ahead and ate the leftovers in the kitchen? But because I don't want to eat anyone's leftovers. I'm not a dog. You might be thinking "christ, that is too far fetched". You would be right. It is one of the disadvantages of being stubborn as a mule.
But after I did some thinking I realized I wasn't talking just about the food. What I lacked was affection. I craved for it. But there was never enough for me. It was always my siblings that received the praising and encouraging from my parents. That was the real reason I was upset, not the food. The love I longed for, was getting devoured by someone else. And all the favors. And all the pride. I has nothing to show for.
Now, if you look at it from that perspective, it doesn't seem so far fetched, does it? Although it does make me sound like a jealous little shit. Well, what can you do? You can either like or dislike me after this. After all I can't get into more of my reasoning, that would take me a very long time and I'm a busy woman (not). Thank you for reading my random thoughts.
Now if you excuse me, I'm going. I am very hungry.
