Broken Infinity h.s.

One.

May 3, 2008

*six years ago*

"Happy birthday dear Natasha! Happy birthday to you!" Everyone sang together as Tash blew out her candles on her over-the-top cake. When I said anything about her cake, people said 'its her sweet sixteen, don't be jealous, be happy for her.'

That's the catch to being a younger sibling. You just have to sit back and keep your mouth shut or else you will be accused of being 'jealous'. You can never be good enough, there is always something to look up to. I think people have a twisted stereotype of being younger. People think that if you are younger, you're the 'baby' and you get whatever you ask for, the world is at your finger tips. Not in reality. In reality, you are the other one who is almost as good as the older one, but not quite. There is always a standard to live up to and you rarely meet it. In conclusion, being a younger sibling sucks ass.

"Lea? You in there?" Harry, my best friend (well, my only friend), waves his hand in front of my face. I nod my head and he hold out his hand for me. Harry and I have been friends ever since third year, when Gemma, his big sister, and Natasha became friends. He has stuck by my side through a lot, and I am so grateful for that, he will never know just how much it means to me. He defended me through primary school when I was bullied, he cared for my wounds after a cutting spree, and he talked me out of suicide countless times. I can honestly say I wouldn't be here if he never came into my life. "Come on then, they're slicing the cake.' He slapped his hands together and we rushed over to the table.

"Birthday girl gets the first slice." Mum coos and places the biggest slice in front of Natasha.

"Mum! Me and Harold want the corner slices." I poke my head beside her and she just brushes me off. When we finally get a slice, all the seats are taken (not that we had a big house to start out with), so we sit on the floor against the wall.

"Mmm, your sister has good taste in cake." Harry says with a face full of cake and some purple icing on his chin. I laugh and look up to see Tash eyeing her cake like its the most dreadful thing she has layed eyes on.

"Harry, Tash isn't eating her cake..." I whisper.

"So? Maybe she has a dodgey stomach. Don't worry about it. Worst casinario, she doesn't finish it and we have to eat it." I shrug my shoulders and continue eating my cake, sneaking glances at my big sister.

After we finish eating, I look to see she still hasn't taken a bite. I rise to my feet and slowly make my way over. "Tash? Why haven't you eaten your cake? Its your favorite flavor." I ask, pointing to her untouched plate.

"Azalea, don't worry about it. I'm just not feeling well." She says but I know she is lying.

"bu-"

"Come on, let's go upstairs!" Gemma calls and Tash runs after her, leaving her cake at the table. I pick it up and walk to the kitchen, bumping into Harry almost causing him to drop his plate.

"I have cat like reflexes." He states proudly, making a hissing noise.

"Sure, you keep telling yourself that." I snort and place the plate on the counter, still wondering why she lied to me.

*later that evening*

The last dish is placed back in the cupboard and I can finally go get ready for bed. The old stairs creak as I walk upstairs, counting each step to myself, a nasty habit I have. Something catches my attention as I pass the bathroom. "Sounds like someone is choking" I think to myself. "Mum is asleep.. that means..." I jiggle the door knob, slightly panicked, to find out its locked. My hand searches the door frame until my fingers brush over the metal key. I unlock the door and burst in. The sight in front of me causes my knees to get weak.

"Tash? W-what are you doing:?" She looks back at me, vomit covering her fingers, and her eyes go wide.

"Lea? This isn't what it looks like..."

"It looks like you're making yourself sick." I turn my head, not wanting to see her like this. I hear the toilet flush and legs crawling over. When I look forward, she is sitting criss-cross in front of me with tears falling down her cheeks. "Why?"

"Do you know how hard it is? To go to school everyday and see all these pretty skinny perfect girls, and then look at yourself and see the complete opposite?"

"Yes."

"No, don't say that. You don't know what its like Lea, you're too young."

"Stop it. I'm not a fucking baby Tash. I'm thirteen years old. I do know what it's like. Wanna know how? Because, everyday I am the victim. Everyday I go to hell. Everyone teases me at school because I'm not good enough. What I don't understand is why you would do this. You're perfect. I'm the one who is ugly... I'm the stupid one who can't do anything as good as you do it."

"I had no idea...."

"Yeah well, that's because I put on a happy face for you and mum. I know mum is already going through a lot, dad only died three years ago. I know how to mask what I'm feeling. Hell, the only person who really knows how I feel is Harry."

"The only person, well besides you now, who knows about this is Gemma. You can't tell mum. Promise me." She stares into my eyes and hold out her pinky, which I take hold of.

"Promise." There is a pause before I speak up again. "How long?"

"It started two years ago when Jeremy called me fat during Gym class..."

"You let that asshole get in your head?"

"It hurts a lot more than you think... but you wouldn't know." She mumbled the last part, but I caught it. I have to tell her, damn it.

"But, I would know..." She looks up and raises an eyebrow at me. Hesitantly, I pull my sleeve up, revealing my numerous scars. Her hand grips my wrist and she pulls it close, examining it.

"Oh my god...." I feel her pull me close and wrap her arms around me. By this point we are both in tears. "Listen, I love you and I don't want you doing this. If you ever need anything, I'm here for you."

"I love you, too."

After our hugging fest, we stood up and silently parted ways to our bedrooms. I immediately dialed Harry and he picked up almost instantly.

"Lea? Everything okay?" His voice had a hint of sleep, after all it was getting dark out.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I-I told Tash..."

"Told her what?"

"Everything. About  me getting bullied, my self-harm.."

"Your suicide attempts?"

"No, left that out."

"What made you tell her now?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow at school. Just wanted to call and say goodnight."

"Okay. Be safe, call me if you have a dream or something. Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight." I put the phone down on my night stand and shut off the lights. My mind was racing, so I didn't get much sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how alike Tash and I really are. Usually that would be a good thing, being like your sister, but the truth was, we were both demons of our own minds.

(A/N: hellooooo everyone! I won't be doing author's notes at every chapter, only ones when I have something to say. Sorry if its a bit short, this is only the start. So, I hope you enjoy my story and I can't wait to  see who all reads, if anyone does lmao. Idk I'm lame and now I'm rambling. Anyway, I'll try to update soon, but here's Chapter one! Please Vote and Comment if you like it:D. Stay cheeky!)