The Highschool First love

Im here

"What was that!!?" You yelled while shoving him off of you.
"What do you mean?" He said back innocently.
"I MEAN that you shouldn't kiss me out of the blue!"

Sure you felt something but a piece of you was still holding onto Namjoon.

"I guess I'll go then, since you didn't feel anything. Right?"

He looked broken. You knew that as much as Namjoon's death hurt you, hurt him just as much. But he was hurt more. Knowing how much he loved you and never said anything about it just to make his best friend happy. And still yet not having you love him back when he needs someone the most.

"I-uh.." You gave in. You couldn't lie to him about what you felt and make him feel worse.
"You did feel something?" He asked uncertain as he turned to face you again.
"Yea....-I felt something."

He smiled his -box wide smile- widely as he reached out for a hug. This was the first time since before 7 months ago that he genuinely looked happy.

Flashback: 1 year ago;

"Namjoonieeeee smillleeee."

You walked into Namjoon's house for his birthday party when you saw him sitting down and not smiling, with Taehyung trying to cheer him up.

"Hey Joonie, what's wrong?" you asked him while walking up tot the chair he was sitting in. He looked up and beamed brightly at you.
"Nothing now that you're here." He hugged you and you looked pass his shoulder, seeing Taehyung look down, no longer smiling.
"Well good, and here– is your present." You gave him a small box and when he was about to open it you stopped him.
"What?"
"Open it later, not now."
~
"I'll catch up with you later Namjoon." Taehyung said.
"Ok dude, I'll see you in a bit."
"Hi Taehyung." You said, waving.
"Hi Y/n." He gave you a soft smile and as fast as that smile he gave you appeared, it was just as fast when it disappeared, with him then walking away.

Present Time;

"At Namjoon's birthday last year, when  I came around Namjoon and you, you always stopped smiling. Was it because you were upset when I was near him?"
You asked Taehyung while sitting down on your porch steps.
"You remember me not being happy that day?"
"I guess I do."
"Then yea, I guess I was."

You both stared at the sky, seeing the sun slowly set.

"You happy that school's over?"
"Heh, yea. I'm tired of people asking me everyday, 'Are you ok? Are you holding up alright? I'm here if you need to talk to someone. How do you feel? Do you need some time off of school?' It just makes me feel worse. I'm sure you understand."

He looked over to you with a tear drop forming in his eye.

"Actually I don't understand. No body ever asked if I was alright or how I felt. He was my only friend really and without him, I felt really alone. The night of the accident was heart breaking and I couldn't imagine what you were going through. But no, I can't relate."
"Oh Tae.."

You felt sorry for him. Him and Namjoon were probably closer than you and him were and holding in every emotion he felt during the last few months just made it worse. He just needed to be asked.

"How you holding up?"

He looked over at you again and gave a soft yet sad smile.

"Not well."

He began crying and you honestly didn't know what to do. Hug him? Pat his shoulder? Tell him everything was fine? Just sit there?  So, you kinda of did a mixture of all. A side hug, shoulder pat, while stiff as a board looking at the sky, and saying the words, "it's ok, shh, it's ok." It was awkward. And by that, you mean AWKWARD. His head fell onto your lap and his sobs started soaking through your clothing.

"I-I should be going now, my parents were expecting m-me home. I'll come to-tomorrow If you want." He said, trying to control his tears. His eyes were blood shot red and snot was around his nose. He didn't look too good.

"Yea, you can come. It's not like I have any plans." You said, laughing.
He got up and left, leaving you sitting there in silence.

Flashback 7 months ago: Tae POV;

I was driving down the road to get home. I was coming home from saxophone practice when I remembered about the psychological assignment we had. I called Namjoon knowing he was in my class and waited for him to answer.

""Namjoon? Hi." I said.
"Hi Tae, what's up?"
"I was just wondering, what did Mrs. Chang say we had to do for our project again?"
"Taehyung can't this wait till later? I'm trying to drive."
"Sorry Namjoon, do you know anyone else in our class that could help?"
"I can!"
I heard Y/n's voice over the phone. Of course she was with him.
"Y/n?"
"Hi! You're talking about our physiology project right?"
"Yes."
"She told us that we had to find out what is in our brains that make us love someone. Why it hurts, and why we still continue to love even when it hurts us. Don't worry about the project though, it's not due until the end of the school year."
"Great, so that means we have to work EXTRA hard on this, ugh."
"Yea I guess so." She said laughing.
"Thanks though, I'll talk to you, Namjoon, later."

Her laugh was so beautiful. Namjoon really was lucky to get her. My mind was zoning out everything and the next thing I knew, headlights came right at me. I tried to swerve out of the way but I wasn't fast enough. I crashed right into them and watched in horror as it flipped upside down and saw the windows smashed. I got out my car so fast and ran to the person's car.

..... Oh no. Nononononono.

"Namjoon?"

I was in shock. I reached inside to feel a pulse, a heart beat, anything. But nothing. His eyes were glued open as well.

Wait. Y/n was on the phone too. She was with him. I sprinted to the other side and saw her. She was at least still alive. Tears burned my eyes and fell down my cheeks as I stood seeing the car, knowing I just killed my best friend. I pulled out my phone and called the ambulance. I told them there was an accident and needed immediate attention, hanging up before they asked more questions. However, I couldn't stay at the scene. I couldn't let Y/n know it was me that hit them. I couldn't let anyone know I killed him. I hoped into my car, asking God for forgiveness and sobbing harder than I've ever done before. Then I drove away, wishing this wasn't real.

Present Time;

You walked inside to your quiet and empty house and laid down on the couch, picking up a photo of you, Namjoon, your mom and dad, and his parents.

"When are you guys going to come back? It's been two years. I need you." You said to yourself. (Talking to your 'parents' photo)