The Bigast Fite Of Altime

Prolouge

     Marconi's Pizzeria & ATM: a place for the crooked, criminal, and cankerous masses. If you had a rap sheet unlike anyone else on Town, you were here around dinner time. Like all pizzerias owned by a generic faux-italian name, Marconi has never actually been present since it's conception in nineteen eighty-six and neither has any Marconi been employed in its two thousand eight-hundred ninety-two year existence as a galactic pizza franchise. This particular Marconi's was a unique branch because it was the only restaurant in the Marconi chain to successfully declare independence from it's corporate management. This process didn't have much deliberation because it resided on a dwarf planet in the outer rim called "Town," notorious for being the dwarf planet sized equivalent of Detroit. The owner of this Marconi's was none other than Mafioso Grandioso, Town's worst money launderer and drug kingpin. He wasn't the worst in the sense that he was the most infamous. He was the worst because he was genuinely the worst crime boss on Town and quite possibly the whole galaxy. He acquired the rogue Marconi's after killing the previous owners, declaring independence from the chain, and going to prison for thirty-six years on several counts of manslaughter, grand theft, and wearing tacky shoes. After his sentence he returned to the abandoned Marconi's and had it in 'working' order within the span of a week. Mafioso himself was a rotund and boisterous man. His worn three piece striped suit spoke many a volume of unredeemed laundry vouchers, and his shoes were the single most egregious element of his attire, an ultra-high top design with winged indentations and the lower half a cowhide flip-flop. His restaurant was no different, Tucked away in a dank slum ghetto it's exterior was riddled with various graffiti and wanted posters. The door had a cracked glass panel with "Mafioso's Marconi's Pizzeria & ATM" painted over the scrapings of the previous Marconi's logo. The doorknob was a rusted stub on the side of the door with a scrap of paper saying "PUSH" taped on the inside above the knob. The interior had an overwhelming stench of greasy stove tops and empty cigarette cartons. All the customers were hunched over their printed wood grain tables either playing texas hold 'em, partaking in criminal dealings or playing texas hold 'em with switchblades. Adjacent to the scraped and scratched counter was a plywood door. Behind this was the management office where Mafioso kept his secretary at a corner desk. The room branched into two other rooms, one of which was the door to the offices of Mafioso Grandioso esquire, the other was a trap door in the corner of the room which was only distinguishable by the silver handle sticking out from the matted green carpeting. Past the trap door was a dim and musty hallway. Walking down the hallway was perilous in itself as you would sooner slip on pizza grease byproduct than reach your destination. The hallway ended at a solid iron door. The door has two handles, one locked the door, one opened the one way mailbox inside the door. A gold plate that was riveted into the door said "BROSIPHIUS" in gold engraving.