Diary of a Madman

Part 3. The End

Part 3

"We never see other people anyway, only the monsters we make of them."

― Colsen Whitehead, Zone One

She fed me daily, and kept me company in my boredom. I looked t her in awe as she spoke tales of beautiful lands that her late husband took her to. I would get lost as she decribed them in such pristine detail, the imagery she projected in my mind. She was a wonderful story-teller, none to say.

I looked over at her. She was lost in a far away world, her grey eyes distant. I felt a pang in my chest, staring at the burnette woman. I had never felt the feeling "love" before, So I knew not if that was what I was feeling that moment, but I'm sure it was. And I hated it. I hated knowing that I'd do anything for this girl I had known for a little under a month. I knew that I'd kill many othr people for her. And I despised it.

And so I gazed at her with two conflicting emotions. Love and hate.

~

I was reading peacefully by the lamp with my feet curled next to me. I subconsiously skimmed over the words, barely processing them, when I heard rapid footsteps climbing down the stairs.

"William," Faith gasped. "They've found you!"

I jumped up and grabbed my pistol and started to climb out the window. Faith followed me and I helped her out and we ran to the stables and I jumped on my horse. "William, I want to come with you. They want to kill me too," she said.

I grabbed her waist and pulled her in front of me, then pushed my horse into a gallop. I raced into the forest, but heard the police on my trail. I heard them yelling for me to stop, but I kept going.

I closed my eyes relying on my instincts. I veered my horse to the left, towards the creek. I heard the sound of trickling water and I pulled my horse to the right, following the flow of water.

"William, where are we going?" Faith asked.

"You'll see,"I said.

I no longer heard them behind me, and I sighed in relief, but I knew it wouldn't be like that for long.

We reached a lake and I pulled the horse to a halt and got off, then helped Faith off. I let the horse loose to feed refresh and I walked silently to the water and stared at my reflection.

"When I was ten years, my father took me here," I started, reminicing about what I saw that day. "Two men came from the trees. They were armed with daggers. They slit my fathers throat and took his money. I was hidden, so I was safe, but I can still remember the fear in his eyes, the way the life faded from his body. I could almost see it leaving him."

Faith walked next to me and stared at my own reflection. "That's terrible," she said.

We stayed silent after that, mostly to listen for the tell-tell sound of hoof- beats in the distant forest.

"William," she said quietly, as though unsure. "I have a question. Or a request, rather."

"Anything," I said.

"Kill me."

I turned to her. "What?!"

"I want you to kill me. I can't take this. My husband killed himself for me. As soon as they come through the forest, they are going to shoot you. They'll probably spare me, only to hang me later. Spare me the pain of watching you die, spare me the pain of a hanging. Shoot me," she said.

She stared at me, her eyes pleading for the bullet. "I-I can't," I whispered, my eyes wide. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held me close to her.

"If you kill me, they'll try you for insanity rather than murder," she said. She pulled my gun out of my belt and put it in my hand, then placed it under her chin.

"Please," she whispered.

"...Fine."

She pressed her lips to mine in a deep, passionate kiss. I closed my eyes, my hand shaking as I slowly squeezed the trigger, and with a loud, echoing pop, she fell limp in my arms, her lips leaving mine and her body leaning against mine. I felt tears in my eyes.

I dropped the gun. It fell to the grass and a tear streamed down my face through the blood. I fell to my knees and laid her down sofly.

"Faith?" I cried. I held her cold body against me until the police broke through the clearing, guns trained at my head. I didn't face them, only waited for them to cart me away.

~

I stayed in jail for two days before my trial, then I had my trial. Faith had been right. I was tried for insanity and lost. They put me in the North Wales asylum. I was a wreck. I couldn't stop remembering tht kiss, the way she begged me to finish her. Being in the asylum gave me time to think.

'The past is the past. It's best not to dwell on it. That brings only sadness and regret.'

So I forgot everything. I pushed the memories out of my mind. I forgot about Faith, my past, and most of all, feelings.

I became as cold and emotionless as my pistol. I also became more... insane. I began to despise my captors even more than previous. I decided I must escape and leave North Wales altogether. I devised a plan. I sharpened my bed post to a point. I aquired a journal to write my life in. And right now, I am waiting. Waiting patiently for my supper to arrive with my escape.

Am I mad? Perhaps. But I am no more maniacal then you. My dementia may just more apparent than yours.