Impurity

Chapter Four - Issues

„Um, hi, this is-“

„Morgan!“, Niall interrupts me. What the fuck? „I remember your voice.“

„I see. You really d-do.“, I stutter. Did I expect him to forget me? Well, a part of me did. My hands are shaking and my throat feels so tight, I can barely keep myself from cringing. My lower stomach convulses. I lay back on bed and stare at the ceiling as I listen to Niall breathing at the other end of the phone. His pants go heavy.

„I’m glad you call.“, he sighs. Sounds as if he’s in a hurry or something. I shouldn’t have called. I mean, what on earth am I supposed to talk about to him? How weird it was waking up in his flat? Not just because of who he was, but what he was. A strange man, a random guy I met at a club. Whom I allowed to take me with him, who touched me. Who got closer to me than anyone else did in a long, long time. I know we didn’t fuck, but I feel like we did. I feel exposed and, what’s even worse, I’m still excited. Not because of who he was, but what he was. A man. And a goodlooking one. A man the emptiness inside of me longs for. Not sexually. I don’t understand. I understand nothing. He gave me his number and I called. A plain, common act of two young people who met and got along. But it’s different in your case. Not because of what you are, but who you are.

When he realises you won’t respond, he adds: „Why did you keep me waiting for so long, though? Enjoy playing hard to get?“

Is he serious? I’d laugh if it didn’t increase those fucking cramps. „Hard to get? Just because I call you now doesn’t mean you get anything.“

„Enjoy playing cheeky, too, huh?“, he laughs and inhales deeply.

He’s fucking flirting with me, isn’t he? I really shouldn’t have called. I shake my head, then realise he can’t see that. „I’m not playing. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you panting like this? Are you okay?“

„Yeh, I’m fine, I just- I’m running.“, he stops, gasping for air. „Are you at home?“

„Yes?“ Why would he want to know? I get up from the bed and get some fresh bed sheets, desperately trying to put them on my matress with one hand.

„W-what do you see when you look out of your bedroom window?“

I couldn’t be more confused. „I see the street below.“

„Okay.“

„Okay? Why do you wanna know? Gonna come for a visit?“ I laugh, finally done with the bedding. I sit down again.

„Maybe.“, he chuckles. Sure. „How are you, by the way? Shame I didn’t ask already.“

„I could be better to be honest.“, I reply. „I feel a little sick.“

„Ate something bad? I had food poisoning some months ago. That sucked ass.“

„No, I’m just bleeding from my vagina.“

„Your v- Oh, I see.“ He laughs and the small part of me that cares a bit about what others say is eases he doesn’t mind my bluntness. „Got cramps?“

„Like crazy.“, I say when said cramps make me whimper again. „It hurts real bad.“

„You want me to come over and take care of you?“, he suggests. Another part of me I don’t pay much attention to being busy feeling nothing cheers. That would be cute. But of course I say no. I don’t want him around when I’m a bleeding, moody mess and generally don’t want him around anyway.

„Better not.“, I mumble. „I’m just gonna shower, get some pastries and go back to bed.“

„Okay, if you say so.“, he sighs. „You don’t wanna see me again?“