BTS ~ One shots ~

~Why?~

( TRIGGER WARNING! SELF HARM AND SUICIDE : if you are sensitive to depressing things then please, don't read this. Love you all! )

Yoongis POV

I sat alone in my room, staring at the TV that was showing a film that I didn't even know. Something is really off today. I'm depressed but this is getting worse...
I'm numb...

Useless

I had taken a walk earlier but it didn't help. My therapist told me plenty of coping skills but I either forget them, or they don't work. This is shit. I'm shit. I'm a piece of SHIT!!

Worthless

I'm fat, and ugly. No one needs me around. Why do I even try to make friends??! Why do I bother going outside when I know I'll just get made fun of.

Why

I force myself up off my bed, rushing to my bathroom. I had an addiction. I get twitchy when i need to feed it.
Self harm.
It makes me feel alive...
Happy. Oh god I get goosebumps just thinking of the blood dripping from my open skin. I roll up my sleeves and dig through my cabinet before finding the razor. I hold my arm out, looking down at the razor. I sigh.
I sit down on the floor and lock the door. I bit my lip and inched it closer and closer to my skin.

Bam

The blade digs into my skin and I pull down, cutting into my soft arm horizontally. I groan and then sigh with relief, a smile grazing my lips.

Fuck

I look down at the bubbles of blood reaching the air, slicing down anything cut beside it with the same actions, this time deeper. I groan a little louder and wince, but I feel even more pain escaping my heart.

More

I continue to cut along my arm until a small pool of blood has formed underneath my arm, and I started to feel lightheaded.

More yoongi.

I switched hands and began cutting my other arm, the same amount. Cut after cut after cut.
I then stop, my heart suddenly beating quickly as I realize what's happening to me. The blood endlessly flowing from my arms.

You're dead now

Tears form in my eyes and I reach for my phone, which Was in my pocket. Blood now got all over my pants and shirt.

Stained

I held my phone with my bloody hand, dialing a number.

"Yoongi? It's pretty late what's up?"

I stayed silent. I didn't have energy. I started sobbing next to my phone as I curled in a ball on the floor.

"Y-yoongi..? What's the matter?? Are you crying?"

I just cried.

"J-jimin.."

My voice cracked out. I heard a quick sigh of relief and a worried voice speaks.

"Yoongi stay there I'm coming over."

I couldn't breath through the sobs.

"I-I-I c-can't s-s-see j-jimin...I-it's a-all b-lack"

I could hear him rushing around through the phone. His keys jangling in his grasp. A door slam.

"Yoongi please stay on the phone. Keep talking to me. Just breathe..let me know your awake. I'm coming!"

The phone fell from my hand, dropping under my ear where I could still hear him speak. I held my arms to my chest, trying to calm my breathing even though I could barely take a full breath.

"That's it..stay with me babe. Stay with me."

I go silent. My heart slows down. I can't think. I can't breath...
I can't hear my boyfriends voice on the phone anymore.
Is this what dying feels like..?
Like...Nothing? Just blank..

I swear I was dead already before I begin to be shaken vigorously by someone, shouts and cries starting to become audible as I weakly wake up.

"YOONGI!! PLEASE WAKE UP!!!"

I finally heard that full volume. My eyes opens slowly and I see an angel above me. I smile slightly, thanking that heaven sent me a beautiful one.

"Yoongi please!!! Can you hear me!!!!"

Why is the angel crying?

"It's me!! Jimin!! I'm here yoongi! Please answer me!!!"

I try to lift my arm but I found no strength, so instead only my fingers moved. I think the angel noticed because I felt a tight grip around my fingers and the angel bent down and shoved his face into my bloody shirt.

"A-angels...D-don't...c-cry..."

I whisper out weakly which makes the angel hug me tightly and hold my face in his hands.

"Yoongi!! oh my fucking god you're alive!!! Thank goodness oh my god I was so scared..!!"

I must be so out of it, cause I can barely put together what this boy is saying.

"Wh-what..?"

I feel pressure in my head as he pulls me to sit up off the floor. Making me groan in pain. I look down and see tape and bandages around my arms, my fingers and hands white like a ghost.

"Yoongi...are you okay? Can you see okay?"

I breath calmly and look up at who I now realize is Jimin. I immediately start sobbing once I put two and two together. I feel his embrace around my neck gently.

"Shh... hey it's okay... I'm here now. You're safe."

I dig my face into his shoulder and weakly try to wrap my hands around him.

"I-I-m s-Sorry.."

He holds me tighter.

"Don't say sorry! It's not your fault baby...don't blame yourself."

I pull away and he strokes his thumbs under my eyes to wipe my tears.

"Yoongi I need to bring you to a hospital..your cuts are too deep for me to fix. I wrapped them up to stop the blood but you need medical attention."

I flinch and shake my head, not wanting to go to the hospital again. It's not fun there. It's scary having all the bright lights and strangers circle around you like you're an animal.

"N-no...jimin please don't take me.."

He gives me an sympathetic look.

"I know how you feel...I completely understand. But this time is different yoongi. You lost a lot of blood this time. I promise I won't leave your side. I'll be with you the entire time yoonie."

I take in his words, haven't a silent war with my own thoughts. I finally agree to let him take me.

"Slowly.."

Jimin tells me as he helps me stand up, my head pounding.

~~

I know this is a weird place to stop but again, I kept going on and on and it's getting long so I'm going to continue this in the next chapter. Thank you!