one hundred true moments [kiho, kihyun x wonho]

004

It's Valentine's Day, and Kihyun is worried about Hoseok. 

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For as long as Kihyun has known him, Hoseok has never liked Valentine's Day.

It worries Kihyun so much, causes his stomach to clench tightly and his chest to burn with hurt how every year, his normally loving, cheerful hyung suddenly becomes so sad, so sullen, fatigued and closed-off, even to Kihyun, the one person whom he always turns to, whom he can always count on and trust when he needs support. Kihyun doesn't know how or why it happens, it just happens, and every year seems to be worse than the one before.

February 14th comes along, and like a perfectly-timed curse, Hoseok will sink into a sudden and intense bout of depression. He won't smile, he won't laugh, he won't talk to anyone. He won't spend any time with Kihyun. Instead, he'll spend the whole day inside, in the bedroom, in his bunk, alone, staring into space with unreadable emotions darkening his usually bright eyes, lost in his own thoughts and giving off an aura of defeat, of hopelessness. And it's so different from his sunny personality, always near to bursting with joy, it's like Hoseok becomes a different person, like the seemingly harmless holiday sucks all of the spirit right out of his body until all that's left is a cold, empty shell. There's none of his usual warmth, none of the usual love he exudes from every part of his being.

It's like every year, he dies for a day.

And even after all this time, Hoseok won't tell Kihyun why. Kihyun tries to get him to open up, not in a prying sort of way, but he'll open the door to the bedroom, peek his head in, and ask, in a quiet, caring voice, "Is everything okay, hyung?"

Hoseok won't respond, won't even look up at Kihyun, and Kihyun will swallow down the hurt, and continue, "You know you can always talk to me."

Kihyun will push the door open a little more, stand there in the doorway, and look down at his feet, feeling like he's been doused with ice-water as he tries not to cry.

"I hope you know I'm always here for you, hyung," Kihyun will say, lips quivering, "whatever you need, I'm here."

Every year, it goes like this.

And Hoseok won't even look at him, and Kihyun will sigh deeply, crushed, and he'll close the door gently, and he'll leave Hoseok to deal with whatever it is he's dealing with. If Hoseok wants to keep things to himself, Kihyun respects that, even though it hurts him so terribly, even though he wants nothing more than to know what's going on, so that they can work through it together, so that Kihyun can make everything okay again.

Hoseok is his best friend, someone that Kihyun cares deeply about, and it kills him inside that he can't do anything to help him.

It's so strange and so troubling, because Hoseok trusts Kihyun with everything, literally everything. They trust each other, open up to each other about every manner of secrets and problems and feelings that they won't share with anyone else. They know each other better than anyone else, better than they know themselves, more than just friends but partners, in everything, and the fact that Hoseok has this one, single secret, one thing weighing down on him so awfully, but that he won't share with Kihyun, makes Kihyun feel like a failure. He wonders what it is that he's doing wrong, why Hoseok won't confide in him about something so important when he always does so with everything else, and he wonders what the right thing to do is, the right way to get through to Hoseok, to help him unburden himself, because seeing Hoseok like this breaks Kihyun's heart.

And every year, he hopes with everything he has that it won't happen. This year, he awakens on the morning of February 14th with anxiety churning around in his stomach. But, to his great disappointment, this year appears to be more of the same. No, not just more of the same, but worse.