His name is not James

pink love

chapter 2

A shiver went through my entire body as I dropped my duvet and stood up on my carpet floor. The room, decorated in purple and grey, always seemed to bring my mood down. 

Even though I just had a great sleep, something about the room constantly felt annoying. I wandered through my apartment, barefoot in my silk PJ's to the kitchen and opened the fridge with force. The silver handle was cold against my skin, but was nothing to compare with the breeze which came from the actual fridge. I grabbed a cider and made my way towards my turquoise sofa. Another slow day. Another day of nothingness.

Don't get me wrong, I love free days, and I love doing nothing. But sometimes it scares me. I feel useless, not only in a matter of saying, but I actually feel like I don't bring anything good to this planet on my free days. I simply stay on my couch and wait for the day to pass by as I 'rest'. That's why I love Charity's coffee shop. That's my purpose. That's my vision. That's my goal. It makes me feel like I'm bringing something to this world. It makes me feel somewhat whole. At least I'm doing something.

I know me and Charity haven't spoken about what kind of cafe we would like ours to be. I know she's not as passionate about it as I am, and that is completely fine. The vision I have scares me sometimes. It scares me simply because I know how Charity would never agree upon it. It's not what she wants, and she would never have the willpower to push it through. I gazed out through the foggy window as my window cried a few drops of rainwater. The taste of cider went through my mouth as my heart began to beat faster at the thought of my vision. At the thought of my dream.

Imagine coming into a cafe, with the brightest colors on the walls, chairs and tables. Everything is one unique color without it looking like a nursery. Nothing wooden, nothing boring, everything new. Have you ever seen a coffee shop which is not brown? Inside there's a different culture rather than just serving coffee; it's a community where people meet people, when people learn how to stay kind, where people learn how to build a family outside of blood related people. You can choose to pay for five coffees instead of one and let a homeless person grab a free drink when they come in. There would be certain tables you could sit at if you're willing to get to know someone new. The whole plan is not thought out yet, but small ideas always pop up, beautiful little dreams of what I might be working towards one day. And the bottom line for the greatest cafe in the world: we would serve the most outstanding coffee.

***

"cmon cmon cmon" murmuring to myself, I buzzed Charity's doorbell again. A sudden breeze made me shudder and curl my arms closer to my body. This leather jacket wasn't warm after all. I'd been stood here for almost five full minutes now, wondering when Charity was going to let me in. She texted me late last night that we were doing something tonight, but she does tend to change her mind last minute as well. I decided to call her.

"You've reached Charity" he squeaky voice let me know she was not completely sober.

"Where are you? I'm outside your house" slightly hurt, I let the disappointment of her getting wasted without me sink in.

"Shit. Were we hanging out today? Sorry babes I'm out"

"It's okay" but I also walked through the rain to get to you. It's all okay, trust me.

"Okay? I'll see you tomorrow at work?" Like a knife stabbed me in the back, I was wounded she didn't ask me to join her at her little party. Who were those people in the back anyway?

"Wait, who are you with? Can I join?" begging like a little sister, I felt ridiculous. But hey, it was worth it.

"I don't know, you don't know these people" feeling like I was about to cry, I swallowed the lump in my throat.