Into the REM

It was the fresh start of a new school year. Everyone was eager and happy to be back to school. All the girls were laughing – cliqued up with their sorority sisters in matching t-shirts and Chaco's. Guys were hollering at each other, calling each other 'dude', or throwing some sort of ball across the lawn. Luckily, this would be my last year at this place called college.

Everyone told me high school would be the best years of my life, but that wasn't the case. Then, I was promised that college would be the same, but again, I hadn't experienced that. Could it because I distanced myself from everyone? Possibly.

I had been devoted to my studies all through school. I kept my circle of friends small. I didn't go out. I just kept to myself. I had dated a girl those three years too, but we'd broken up in the spring. I had a roommate, Jasmine, who was practically my best friend too, but other than that, it was just me.

Perhaps I'd be more social this year I thought as I headed to my last class. Yeah right. I didn't like gaining new friends. Gaining new friends meant getting to know them and that meant possibly getting too close. Jasmine worried me at times, but I never mentioned these fears. Instead, I kept all my worries in my own little head.

Once my first class was over, I headed to back to my apartment. As I trekked up the stairs to our third floor, I stared at my shoes, a habit I'd made when I had far more interesting shoes. I reached to the side of my backpack where I kept my key chain so I could unlock the door. Jasmine only had one class that day so when I arrived back home, she was already in her room typing away on her Mac Book. I always walked into her room before my own if she were there. "Hey, sis! How was your first day?" she grinned as I flopped on to her bed.

She sat to the little desk we each had in our room typing away at something. Jasmine was an English major so it seemed she was always working on something – even during weird times such as the first day of school. "It was good," I told my roommate dryly, "Everyone is always so happy; it's annoying."

Jasmine turned to face me. Her long black hair was straightened for the first day of our senior year and her face bared a new make-up look she was trying. "You know you're pretty happy yourself when you want to be, but I know what you mean," she told me. Jasmine was about as anti-social as I was. When her girlfriend Victoria came and visited, she was more chipper, but when it was just the two of us, we were pretty mellow and calm.

"I guess. I just have no one to share that enthusiasm with except you; and you're a whole English major. Our brains work in two different realms," I joked seeing that I was a science major, pre-veterinary to be exact.

Jasmine shrugged and then grinned, "You could always find a new bae." She leaned over in her chair and nudged me playfully.

I shrugged her off, "I don't want to jump into something that's not meant. I mean, I'd love to have a person to do nice things for – you know I like making do it yourself gifts – but, I'm scared."

My friend rolled her eyes dramatically, "You're always complaining that you're so afraid. Afraid of what?" Jasmine pressed with a smile. I swallowed nervously before standing abruptly to head out of her room. "What, Kayla?" she called to me, but I just kept walking.

I hadn't quite figured out how to tell the one small insecurity I had without seeming crazy. Sometimes I refused to admit it to myself too – I sounded insane; so instead of addressing it, I just avoided close ties with people.

So went the first week and a half of school: going to class during the day, recollecting with Jasmine by night. It was turning out to be a pretty simple routine. Wednesday during the second week of school, I was pretty board in one of my afternoon classes. My teacher had a pretty monotone country accent and it was easy to become bored.