Today was a beautiful day. The sun was out, a gentle breeze wound its way through trees, leaves, past mountains, and to my face. The birds were out in full force; singing and preparing their nest for the new additions come spring. It was the kind of day that made me want to laugh like a maniac and shoot myself.
Everything was so...peaceful. It should have been impossible. Everything seemed to be ignorant of the troubles of the world, everyone got on with their life.
"Life goes on." They said.
"It'll be alright." They said.
Bullshit. Be alright my bloody arse. Great. Now I'm beginning to talk like him too. Whoop-de-fucking-do.
All those civvies, getting on with their life, completely ignorant of what we went through to keep them safe. Ignorant. Just like I once was. One soul among millions of other innocent ones. Back then, war was a glorious thing, a wonderful way to keep our country safe, a way to protect ourselves, and save people who didn't know they needed saving.
But then I joined, and that glorious image was wiped out of my mind.
"Don't worry." They said.
"It'll be alright." They said.
It was less than alright. It was never alright. Trapped in a room with him, wondering when it would be over, wondering when I could finally see sunlight again. Blood everywhere, on everything, on everyone.
Just me and him, in a room, where he could do anything to me. Anything he wanted, so long as it would prepare me for what may be inflicted on me one day. One day or week in the distant future, one day or week from my past. One day or week of the endless pain.
"It'll be over before you know it." They said.
"It'll be alright." They said.
Gravel and dirt crunched beneath a well-worn boot. The Canadian on our team, Meep, sat down beside me. Meep. Who the bloody hell has a name like Meep?
"What're you doing out here, Glitch?"
"What're you doing out here, Meep?"
He laughed softly, "Good question. As for the answer, I'm remembering."
"Remembering…?"
"When everything was perfect and nothing was screwed up. Now everything is." he smiled at me, and turned back to the view stretched out before us, his legs dangling in empty air like mine. "You were thinking about that too, weren't you?"
I nodded, staring past the trees below us, past the dirt and air, and birds, and water. Past the grass and back home, where my family thought I was working in a hospital somewhere in England.
"We'll make sure your mother gets her legs back." They said.
"It'll be alright." They said.
I wondered if my mum had her legs back yet, wondered if what I had lost was worth it. I decided it was.
Meep sat beside me, his legs swinging back and forth like a pendulum. He watched me from the corner of his eye, gauging my reaction, my thoughts. Appearances are deceptive. Meep was no different. He smiled slightly, turning his gaze to the fluffy white clouds above.
"It'll be alright, Glitch. Somehow, it'll be alright."
And somehow, I believed him.
