Daydream Dating

Chapter 21 - Back Stacks

Song of the chapter - Can't Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake

The weeks rolled by. Luke and I worked comfortably in the library every Monday and Wednesday, as planned. The tension eased up, but that was mostly due to me, I'm sure. I had let go of my own worries about TJ and Luke and whatever drama they had between them. Luke was less obnoxious in class, keeping more distance from me. It seemed to help.

And then, the whole thing was over. TJ didn't even finish the year. His family packed up and moved to Germany a couple of weeks after we broke up. As much as I hated to admit it, it was a relief. It was harder than I thought it would be to see him everyday. The tension may have eased up, but the "if only" was as strong as ever.

On his last day, TJ waited for me in our hallway as I approached third period. He had a sad look on his face, but when he saw me walking towards him, his eyes lit up a bit.

"Hi," he said. "I wanted to say goodbye."

I just nodded. He had told most people that it was his last day, but he hadn't told me directly. I'd heard through the rumor train, the way I heard about most things at school.

"I'm sorry things worked out this way." His voice had gotten quiet, either not wanting to say what he was saying or not wanting anyone else to hear. Probably both.

"Me, too," I said. It was too difficult to say much else. But I noticed something as we stood in the hallway, mumbling our goodbyes. My heart wasn't as bruised as it had been. I looked at TJ, long and hard, trying to gage the current state of my sorrow. It was still there. I could feel it, but just barely.

"I hope things work out for you in Germany." I wanted him to know I didn't hold hard feelings against him. I really did want him to be happy.

TJ looked down at his feet, "Thanks, Mal. You too, here I mean." Then he gave me a small smile and we walked into third period together, for the last time. It was as good of a goodbye as a girl could get.

Just a few weeks later the whole thing seemed like it had happened in my imagination. Was my time with TJ all just an elaborate daydream? That day months ago, when I walked home and created TJ in my mind, seemed like a lifetime ago. There was no longer any evidence of that relationship. He was gone. I was alone again.

But as I sat in the library, working with Luke, I realized something. I was no longer invisible. Being with TJ, even for a short time, had pulled me out of whatever shadows I had been in. It was a shallow thing to be grateful for, but how else would a high school girl feel about finally being acknowledged.

"You okay?" I heard Luke whisper. My eyes shot up to his wondering why he would think otherwise. I just shrugged.

"You had a look on your face," he continued. The person at the next table shushed him. He gave the guy a glare. Then he returned his attention to me, raising his eyebrows in expectation.

"I'm fine, just thinking."

He nodded in understanding. Then he pushed his chair away from the table, standing up. He motioned for me to follow him, then turned and walked toward the back of the library. The guy at the next table shook his head.

Without a reason not to, I got up and followed Luke down the hallway of the library stacks, all the way to the last section of the non-fiction books. He stood waiting around the corner, leaning against one of the shelves. My stomach flipped upside down at the situation. Back stacks of the library. Alone with Luke. That look on his face that I didn't understand. TJ had that look once or twice. I wasn't ready to see that look on someone else's face. It was already messing with my head, and I didn't need another mess in there.