Butterfly Kisses

Part 2

The buzzing from my phone wakes me from my sleep. I slowly open my eyes and stretch my stiff body with a groan. Sleeping in a chair was not the best of ideas. I look at my phone and realize there's 3 missed calls from Mum. Great. Here comes a lecture. I pick up my phone and call her back. It rings 7 times before she finally picks up.

"Why haven't you answered my calls" she asks without a hello.

"Sorry mum I must have drifted off while Benny is getting his tests done" I answer.

"How's my baby" she asks her stern voice growing softer.

"He's doing as well as can be expected. He just wants to come home. He doesn't understand mum"

I hear a sigh on the other end of the line.

"Are you coming to see him tonight?" I ask seeing that it's quarter to 5 on the analog clock displayed on the wall opposite Benny's bed.

"I'm trying I really am. But I might need to stay back longer than I thought. I can't say no, you know how much we need the money" she says, sadness and frustration evident in her voice.

The door creaks open and Benny and the nurse appear.

"Benny mums on the phone" I say handing him the phone. He grabs it hastily and starts talking to her.

I look at the nurse and she nods for me to follow her outside the room. I do as she wants and look at her expectantly. "There's no easy way to say this. But..." she stops and swallows hard and I'm left there with a sunken heart waiting for her next words. "Benny's not progressing as much as we would hope at this stage in his treatment" she says.

I stand there frozen. Breath caught in my throat, muscles tense, eyes glazing over. I feel like I've been dipped in cement and left to dry. What does this mean? I feel a tear slip down my face. Oh please don't let this be it. I can't take it. Her hand on my shoulder brings me back to reality. I look her in the eyes and ask "what does that mean, tell me. Don't dance around the truth"

"Erica I.."

"Just tell me" I say anger slipping into my voice.

"I don't know what it means. I just over hear what the doctors say. Tomorrow they'll be asking to see your mother and the next steps to be taken can be discussed. I'm so sorry" she says sympathetically.

I mumble a thanks and go back into Benny's room closing the door behind me, feeling slightly guilty for being rude. But the guilt is quickly replaced by the sinking feeling of things getting even more serious than they already are. There's always that thought that everything is fine. That it's all a dream. Everything will be ok. But then something has to happen just to prove to you that it's all real. I look up to see Benny looking at me curiously. Looking into his gorgeous green eyes nearly makes me lose it. I bend down and hold my arms out "come here" I say and he runs to me jumping into my arms. His arms wrap tightly around my neck and legs around my waist. I stand up almost effortlessly with how light he is and hug him back. I stand there for what feels like hours just enjoying his small head resting on my shoulders, squeezing him so tight I'm sure I'm hurting him, but he doesn't complain. He just hugs me back as tight as he can manage. I walk over to his bed and move his comics, pulling back his covers and placing him between the blankets. I pass him his new teddy bear and place it under the covers next to him. I tuck in the sheets and blankets tightly under the mattress and give him a kiss on the forehead. He smiles at me. A big genuine smile I would never get sick of seeing. I pick up my phone that he left on the end of his bed and take a photo. He looks so innocent with his arms wrapped around his bear that's almost the size of him. I can't help but wonder why a sweet child deserves something so terrible to happen to them. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes so I look away to pull myself together. I can never show Benny how upset I am. Then he'll know just how bad things are.

"What did mum have to say" I ask as a distraction from my internal struggle.

"Nothing much. She said she is coming to see me tomorrow for sure!" He says excitedly.

I smile at him

"That's great sweety! She would of been here tonight but she had stay at work. Silly old work huh?" I say and he nods back at me growing sad again. I pick up the comic books to change the subject.

"What do you think of the cool comic books I brought you?" I ask

He takes them from me and starts reading one. "Thank you so much sissy" he says, his nose stuck in the comic. I take out my phone and sneakily take another photo. I close the camera and realize it's later than I thought. I sigh as I realize I need to get home. "Benny, it's time for sissy to go now" I say sadly. He looks up from the comic with the same expression he always gives me when I have to leave. Every time I see his face like this it kills me. It makes it just that much harder to leave. I walk towards him and take his face in my hands and kiss him all over, he giggles and try's to squirm away. I give him a hug and he hugs me back. He puts both his hands to either side of his face and spreads his fingers out and kisses my cheeks wiggling his fingers as he moves away. I laugh at him "what was that?" I ask.

"A butterfly kiss! I was watching butterflies on tv today. They're my new favorite animal!"

"Awhh Kiddo". I say as I ruffle his hair. "I'll remember that" I say winking. I gather my bags and give him one last kiss on the forehead. "I love you Benny" I say to him.

"I love you too Ezzie" and with that I walk out the door. Every step that takes me further away from him gets harder and harder. But I push myself to keep moving. Tomorrow. Just a few long hours and I'll see him again.