Bouquet

Camellias

"What was it like hyung?" Jihoon asked Soonyoung one night when they were the only ones awake. Both were relaxing in Jihoon's studio.

"What?" Soonyoung said, looking at the younger. Since that incident in the bathroom, Soonyoung took responsibility to look after the younger since Jihoon refused to tell anyone, even his parents.

"The surgery. How did it feel?" After he found out about his hyung's feeling for him before, he felt guilty. He did not even have a single clue about the older's feelings and after knowing that the older suffered so much because of him, he couldn't help but blame himself.

"The surgery itself was nothing special. It was just simple, they're gonna open you up and remove the flowers and everything. But the side effect is what makes it different," Jihoon kept silent as he let Soonyoung talk. "After the operation I felt empty like there was a hole in my heart. When I saw you for the first time after the operation, the hype and the spark I felt for you at first was gone. I'm not even sure if I should feel happy or sad at that time."

"I really missed loving you Jihoonie," Soonyoung said after a long silence filled the room.

"Y-you really don't feel anything for me now?" Jihoon asked.

"There's none really. At first I was longing for that feeling I was so familiar with, but it was completely gone. It really hurt me before knowing that I can't love you anymore that I really regret my decision," Soonyoung said while maintaining eye contact with the younger, "but don't worry, that was all in the past. It has been what? 2 years now?"

"I-I'm really sorry hyung, if I just knew-"

"Don't be sorry. Even if you knew back then it won't make a difference. You're in love with Seungcheol hyung," Soonyoung said with a soft sincere smile plastered on his lips. "And I can never, we can never force someone to love us back."

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Jihoon took a closer look at the flowers scattered on the bathroom floor. It's not that much unlike the first time he started vomiting flowers. Soonyoung explained to him that it was normal to throw up that much on your first time but it will eventually subside depending on your depth of emotions. According to Soonyoung when he was still 'sick', he threw up two to five flowers each day but Jihoon threw up a handful of flowers every morning and night. The older pointed out that Jihoon's feelings for Seungcheol was deeper than how he felt for the younger back then. Jihoon did not know how to feel after that.

It was Camellias this time. Pink Camellias. It had been Daffodils for the first month and Jihoon thought that it would remain that way but that morning it changed.

Longing for you. That was the meaning Jihoon found out after doing some research. The flowers really adjust themselves depending on how Jihoon feels then.

He was longing for Seungcheol but he knew he should not. It was him who started avoiding the other anyway. Jihoon decided to avoid their leader hoping that while doing so, his feelings would disappear but Soonyoung said it didn't work that way. But he still continued to avoid the other because just being near him makes him sick. Just by hearing the older's voice or the simple touch of his hand, Jihoon will suddenly feel like throwing up that he had to run to the nearest bathroom or push the flowers back down his throat.

Avoiding the other does not bring him any good though, while avoiding being 'more' sick Jihoon can't help the ache that h feels in his chest every time he looks at the oldest from a far, especially when Seungcheol will look back at him with worry, confusion and sadness evident in his eyes.

Jihoon finally decided that from that day onwards, he will not avoid Seungcheol any longer, he does not care if his condition worsens as ling as he can stay by Seungcheol's side, even as a friend only.

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"Good morning," Seungcheol suddenly tore his eyes away from his phone to see if he heard it right, if he really heard Jihoon talking to him. It's been a while.

"J-ji," Seungcheol started,"G-good morning to you too," he then continued, stuttering and clueless on what to say. The younger just smiled at him, his eyes forming beautiful crescents.

When they got out of the dorm to head to the company building, Seokmin stopped them right before they were able to walk out of the door.

"Seungcheol hyung, someone left something for you," Seokmin said with his usual bright smile (that is brighter than your future), handing their leader a flower.

Seungcheol accepted the flower with a smile,"Maybe it's from fan".

It was a pink camellia. Soonyoung looked at Jihoon knowingly while the latter avoided the eye contact.

It continued like that. For two weeks Seungcheol received the same flower every morning. The members did not question where the flowers came from, most thinking that they were just from a fan. It was an entirely different story for Soonyoung though.

"Why are you doing this Jihoonie?" Soonyoung asked one night when they were alone in Jihoon's studio again.

"What? The flowers?" Jihoon asked as he focused his attention on his Mac, refusing to make eye contact, "I don't know. It's about time to make use of the flowers right? It's such a waste if I just throw them away."

"You know that it would make much more difference if you told hum that those flowers were from you right?" Soonyoung said, "Maybe that would even help you with your condition now."

"I still don't have the courage," Jihoon said, sighing away, "but I'll try."

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(A/N)

I am so very sorry for not updating in a long time... I was extremely busy and I had very bad writer's block. Not just that, secondary 3 life is more stressful, with more tests and topics to learn. I hope you guys understand that I'm still trying to juggle my books with school.

Anyway I hope you guys loved this boring chapter and sorry if there are any grammatical errors, I am actually typing everything by phone so yeah... I am not sure if there are errors but hey... no one is perfect

Love you guys and please be patient... Jeballll

~your weird carat~
Qimmie