#lovesimon

to the world

Dear World

i used to question the very reason im alive, why no matter what i did it never seemed good enough. why God make me this way. as a young southern girl, i never questioned, believed everything adults told me. innocent .......... thats what i was until i was raped at the age of 5 by two of my own cousin who i used to love so dearly. i felt dirty and used. i developed medical problems but i didn't think about it until i had to move from texas to richmond. some how someone found out what happend to me and told everyone, i was not just the new girl with a funny southern accent but the girl who's own family turned on her. 

  for a long time i let people walk all over me and i changed myself so i could fit in. that same time i experienced racism for the first time because i didn't look like them or because i spoke in cherokee. 2 years from 7 to 9 years old those same kids picked on me but then selena the girl i would later fall in love with saved me, she stood up for me and since that day we were tied at the hip.
it took me 9 years to see that she is the only one i needed until she was gone. 

 now I am 17 year old girl who is dealing with ADD, ADHD, Social Anxiety, and am in love with my best friend. she is the one person who knows me better than i know my self. we did everything together and when she moved away i saw reality for the first time in years. i was bi and the one person i love will never know how much i care and it kills me inside but her happiness means more to me than my own. after she left i tried to find someone else and i couldn't because no one is like her, she's so kind, smart and beautifull. sadly she doesn't like girls, so i have to watch from the sidelines as she dates all these guys. me the person who has been by her side, the person who has secretly loved her, and dried her tears all this time is doomed to suffer. but it's a price i am willing to pay so she can has the life she's always wanted and as long as i am with her thats enough for me.

i am much happier now that i live my life for my self and no one else but thanks to her i know what the real me is im a reader, i love photography, writing and anime and one day hope to make the world a better place for everyone.

im proud to be me.

love  ladybugsmith14

p.s.  i can't wait to see her beautiful smile again up close. one day i'll make selena my wife and give her everything she's ever wanted so wish me luck.