A girl journal

About My Crush

Well I am Gay if I forgot to mention it .. my crush name is Erica .. I met Erica through a friend of mine .. I seen her and wanted her so I got her... well so of what I thought . from the very first day I spoke to her we connected like magnets .. we told eachother everything and spoke everyday which can kind of get you into fucked up situations like I'm in now. When we first started talking we agreed we would just be friend because she had just got out of a relationship and we all know how that go "I don't want that now, I want to vibe" blah blah type shit but I was down for it because it wouldn't hurt to just vibe.. everything was perfect until we started liking eachother we met up  together regular shit then feelings started to get involved and she wanted to slow down and be friends so we won't "lose the bond" we had, which was a lot of bullshit to me because how can u say the things u say and do the things we do and just stay friends .. but I didn't wanna come off as mad or hurt because in the beginning that was the plan so basically I settled for less with Erica and held my feelings like sort of hurt..  I'm very observant so one day Erica became distant .. our conversations became short, less FaceTime calls, late replies, no more deep conversations and due to me being so into her I didn't talk to no one else which was a fucked up situation on my part.. when we wasn't talking I was hurt and wondering everything that she could possibly be doing thinking of the worse because that's all that happens right ? This bitch would text me after hours or even a day and think that everything was just alright but again my dumbass text back all jolly like Everything is okay when in reality it's fucked up.  I didn't like feeling the way I was so some days I would say little things to aware her of my feelings and it was just like she would say sorry then just repeat the shit so today I'm at the point where I'm like no matter how much I think of her and feel for her I can't keep letting her do her and get nothing in return but it's like as soon as I'm ready to go she comes back but this time I won't let her enter my wall unless we have a mutual understanding. So FUCK the bitch‼️