Decietful Existence

                    I was sitting in a corner with my scarf warmly wrap around my neck, the area was a slum and it’s also quite dark, but this darkness gave me comfort, it gave me warmth, as I hold the letters that should be delivered, placed inside my white shoulder bag nicely, I inhaled deeply then exhaled rapidly, the place was too quiet, and this quietness just lives me in a uneasy state, this feelings of being left alone, with no one around me, it’s painful.

“It’s Lonely……..”

A hoarse but gently voice spoke in this depths of loneliness, as he move in closer, his footsteps became a sound, that gave me delight ,

I looked at the man, who is now standing before me, with his red feathered jacket lazily worn in his arms, he looked at me with a warm gentle smile.

 “what are you doing?, it’s cold and lonely in here you know” I looked at him with a solemn expression, but I said no words back, I just looked at him, looking through my reflection in his ruby red eyes, and those eyes of his, was as if, stabbing right through me, which bought the amber inside me,

It was quiet Ironic because my hands and skin are cold, but I felt so hot and warm inside, it was weird enough that I always feels this way when his around, never the less…,

“I shouldn’t speak with the things that do not exist….” He tilted his head and kept on looking at me, as I stood up and brush off the dirt in my pants.

“…..you’re so mean….” He looked at me and started to look sad, but he is still smiling, maybe he smiled just to make it look like that I was joking.

”whatever I told you that I do not wish to see you again, how many times should I tell you that…”

“…….” He never said anything, and another strike of pain hit me, as I turned around and started to walk away from him.

“but… I want to see you.. Again….. Everyday… no……Forever!.......” He was breathing hard, and his voice was almost a bit shaky, as if his about to cry, but I didn’t turned around to see him.

“I-I….. I want……”

I paused for a moment to hear out what we’re the things his going to say, but as I waited for him, he completely stopped, I turned around to checked up on him, but he was nowhere to be found, traces of him that he was there or he have left was unfound, I looked at the place that I last saw him but…, he really disappeared completely ……,

I fall silent for a moment,

Then I fixed up my glasses and turned around again, walking ahead, back to the busy streets to deliver the letters in my bag.

“Am I possessed?.....” I mumbled these words as I keep on walking forward, but as I move on, the igniting chest of mine earlier had subsided immediately, until it had completely turned cold like earlier.

I’m almost on my destination to escape the dark back alley area, and as I reach it, the colder the feelings I had, as if the dead one was me, and not the smiling man with ruby red eyes.

And yes indeed, we could never be together even how much he or I desired it.

Another pain strikes me, I hold my chest and paused for a moment and I wondered….

I should destroy these feelings that brought me great anguish and confusion…..

“before it’s too late…”