Worcester, MA
The palladium was packed to the brim, it was just as hard to breathe as it was to walk. My feet were sore, thanks to my worn out Converse, and my camera strap was making me the slightest bit itchy, thanks to my sweat. The boys were up next, the stage crew tuning the instruments and checking mics before they went on. I was sitting on the stage, mindless scrolling through my messages, reading live texts from Awsten about their 5-minute food fight with the guys from Creeper.
Since the venue was insanely small, I was instructed by the security guard that I'd have to hop on the stage to take the photos. It seemed like the best idea since my feet were getting squished by the people pushing up against the stage. No barrier shows would be the death of me.
The security tapped my leg, pointing up at the stage and I nodded, not really needing words since I knew what he meant. I hopped up, finding a comfortable position near the amps, making sure I had my crappy in ears in to block some of the sounds out. I looked to the wings where the boys would be entering, watching Otto and Geoff high five some girl before Geoff strummed out a chord, beginning the show. The two of them ran out first, hyping up the crowd. I looked back towards the wing where I saw Awsten looking in my direction.
I smiled, but he didn't notice, he turned to the side, taking the same girl in a short hug before running out, guitar in his hands. Immediately they started playing, but I couldn't take photos. My eyes were trained on the girl in the wings who was smiling, arms crossed, watching Awsten with an intensity that made me uncomfortable.
I tried to shake the feeling off, pulling out my camera as quick as I can before the drop of the song happened. It almost fell out of my shaking hands as I went to take photos. Oh no.
My heart was beating rapidly, my hands were shaking. I was thankful for the expensive camera that minimized the shakiness of the shots, but the camera still didn't minimize the shakiness of my hands. Nothing could.
I was breathing heavy as I tried to get shots of Otto, turning on my feet and almost tumbling over. I felt hands on my back and turned, thanking the security guard for catching my fall before regaining balance. It was hard to keep my balance when everything in my body was moving in double time.
I started getting dizzy and dropped the camera, letting it hit my ribcage harshly. I winced, but couldn't be bothered with the pain. I tried standing up, the dizzyness intensifying but I continued walking into the wing, deciding that I couldn't be bothered with taking photos in the middle of what could be my worst panic attack since 10th grade.
I ripped my in-ears out, hoping to gain back at least one of my senses before walking into the green room, almost stumbling but I had a hand dragging along the wall to help me stay up.
I fell down on the sofa, trying to breathe normally. My head was thrown back against the couch, hands over my eyes pushing hard to stop tears from flowing. I wasn't worried about my makeup at this point.
My heartbeat was beginning to get normal again, and tears were beginning to fall from my face. Why was I acting like this? Oh, wait I know, because of the girl in the wing. Images of the girl from Ohio flooded my mind. She was her. The girl from the thrift shop in Cleaveland.
Why was she here? Is she following him? Is he asking her to come? I took a deep breathe in, wiping the tears from my eyes. I pulled out my phone quickly, sending a text to Lucas.
To Lucas
Is the bus open? Not feeling well at all :/
I waited a few minutes before my phone vibrated in my hand. I looked down, reading the text.
From Lucas
Yours is open, the guys' bus isn't. Feel better gal <3
I sighed, slipping my phone back into my pocket and removing the camera from my neck, picking up my camera bag from the floor where it laid next to Awsten's jacket. I put the camera in the bag, grabbing my jacket and slipping it on, before quickly walking out the green room door. I wiped my face, trying to get rid of any signs of tears and made my way to the back entrance, slipping out and running towards the bus.
When I walked into my bus I was engulfed in the warmth. It was way too cold outside, so I'm happy the bus was at least warm. I dropped my things on the sofa and stripped off my jacket and shoes, throwing them to the side before opening up the fridge, pulling out a pint-sized container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and a spoon, then walking towards the back.
I grabbed my blanket and pillow off my bunk before going into the back room, closing and locking the back door before throwing myself on the couch. I winced, feeling a pain in my chest, I turned over, pulling up my shirt and seeing two red marks on my ribs. I groaned, falling back onto my pillow, rolling my eyes at my stupidity. Those will be bruises by tomorrow morning.
I blindly reached for the remote, turning on the TV and turning Netflix on and playing some random Gossip Girl episode. I opened up the tub of ice cream, immediately sticking the spoon in and taking a huge bite.
I needed this. Nothing else. I didn't need to sleep, I didn't need fresh air, and I definitely didn't need Awsten. I just needed a few episode of Gossip Girl, Ben & Jerry's Half Baked, a blanket and pillow, and a few tissues to wipe away the tears.
I needed time to think.
I N S T A G R A M
stellataylor gloom gal season? #gg
YOU ARE READING
caramel [awsten knight]
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