you have lived your life for them.
you swore you had dreams because that is what they wanted you to say.
you promised everything was alright because that was wanted to hear.
you pretended you were better because that was what they wanted to see.
because they are everything.
they are everything that you are not, everything you used to swear you could be, everything you promised you would become, everything you pretend to be. but that is not you. that is them.
they are everything and you are even less without them. they are somehow both worth living for and worth dying for. they are worth living lies for. they are worth more than you are, but somehow they seem happy just by you staying alive.
you may not agree with them, you may not think you're worth it, but seeing how happy you make them makes living a bit more bearable.
you know that one day they might come to their senses and realize that they are better off without you, but just getting to be with them even briefly is enough to make it all worth it. because any future hurt is worth getting to see them smile.
so you swear, and you promise, and you pretend.
and slowly you begin to hope.
but either way, everything you do is for them.
