⚠️ I'll finish this story someday but fair warning I wrote this sh*t in middle school LMAO⚠️
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It's the summer of 2001. Johnny and the rest of the Jackass cast are filming their first movie when Noa, a small hometown girl wi...
"There's no fucking way you're gonna get me to do this one. I'm not paying for a mutilated car!" I say between laughs. It's 9 am, and Johnny just pitched me the first idea for the movie. Rent-a-car crash-up derby. Sounds ridiculous, right?
"Come on, Noa! We need you for this one!" Johnny begs, "You're more charismatic than all of us combined. You can't tell me this isn't perfect. We have the trench coats and spray paint, we rent the cars, and smash em' together! It's gold!"
"No way Johnny! Do I look like I have that kind of money?" I say, and I can't help but smile at this incredibly stupid idea. Johnny, Bam, Ryan and I are all sitting in a booth in the town's local diner with some coffee. "Don't worry, the production company pays for it." he reassures me. Ryan and Bam already backed out of the skit, so if I don't do it, rent-a-car crash-up derby is a no-go. I sit and think for a minute, stirring my coffee.
"Okay," I say. Johnny look surprised at first, "Okay?" He replied, making sure he heard me right.
"Let's do it."
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Johnny's dressed up in a trench coat and I'm wearing my favorite leather jacket. Johnny was disappointed that I didn't match him, but he took what he could get. I wasn't gonna wear the coat. We're here in the back of the limo, going over the plan one last time. Johnny would go to the Car Rental place across the street, and I would go to the one we were parked at. I was nervous, I've never pulled a stunt this big before.
He turns to the camera, and I follow his lead, "Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville." I step in and say, "And I'm Noa Graham." He finishes, "And we're about to rent some cars."
"Alright, let's go," Johnny said. I nod and follow him out of the limo door, we give each other a smile and go in different directions. I walk into the car rental place, trying to act as normal as I can. I kept smiling because this poor salesman had no idea what I was about to do to his car.
I rent the shittiest car I could find, a deep brown compact car. I smiled to myself, "This is perfect."
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I take my car, Johnny takes his, and we meet up in the empty parking lot where Kmart used to be. Johnny takes out a can of black spray paint and says, "Let's make it professional, huh?" and grins at me. I grab hold of the paint can, but he doesn't let go.
"I can't believe we're doing this." I shake my head and grin. When he still doesn't let go of the can, I look up and lock eyes with Johnny. My smile fades as he stares at me. I can feel my face turning bright red. "What?" I ask. Still grinning, he shakes his head and ignores my question, walking away.
"I'm number 3." He says, and I tell him I want to be number four. We spray our cars, and head to the body shop to get them set up for the derby.
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Three hours later, I'm sitting in my car, 50 feet from Johnny's car, strapped into mine, ready to start this derby. I rev the engine, and he does the same. I catch his smirk and return with a laugh. I then turn to the camera and say, "Hi, I'm Noa and this is Rent-a-car crash-up derby." Johnny does the same. We would decide later which one was better.
I hear one of the camera guys scream, "Start!" And I slam on the gas, crashing head-on into Johnny. We both laugh at the fact that we both almost flew out of the windshield. This is gonna be wild.
After crashing up the car for the past hour, I pull my car off to the side and take a breather, laughing as I watch Johnny speed into the back of another car. My smile fades into horror when the back of the car lifts up and breaks through Johnny's windshield. The tire is still spinning at full speed inches away from his face. My knees go weak, and I start running. By the time I'm to the car, the tire stops spinning and Johnny is laughing hysterically. I close my eyes and sigh in relief when he steps out of the car. I find him staring at me when I open my eyes with a confused expression on his face.
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"You scared the shit out of me, Johnny!" I said, on the verge of tears. There was silence for a moment before both of us started laughing and he went into the hug me. I hugged him back and half laughed half cried into his shoulder. He broke apart after and minute and he was the first one to speak.
"Let's get outta here, huh?" He said, meeting my eyes and rubbing my shoulders. I nodded and got in my car, while he had to have his towed back to the shop so they could fix it to where he could drive it back to the car rental place. I met him at the shop, Johnny got his car fixed just enough, and we proceeded into part 3 of our skit. Returning the cars.
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Just a short drive later, I arrive at the car rental place where I got my car from. I parked it right out front, took a deep breath and went inside. I found the salesman that I rented from and told him I was ready to return the car. He asked me if something was wrong and I responded, "Yes. I had a bit of a problem with it. Can I show you?" He nodded and followed me outside. His expression was pure horror. He didn't even respond right away.
"What did you do to my car...?" He said, his mouth still hanging open. I felt terrible for wanting to laugh but I stayed in character.
"It came like this. I can't drive it." I responded. He was not amused and proceeded to yell and yell at me, demanding money. He said I owe him thousands of dollars for this car.
"Okay, okay. Sir, I understand you're upset. But I got the car like this! It's not my fault!" I tried so hard not to laugh but I let a little chuckle slip out. He looked at me with anger and rage in his eyes. He turned around and started walking inside. I asked him where he was going.
"To call the police!" He shouted. I booked it out of there and down the street where the limo was parked. Johnny was a few seconds ahead of me and opened the door, motioning for me to get in. I ran a little faster and jumped in. He jumped in after and yelled at the driver to drive. He and I both started laughing hysterically and didn't stop laughing until we got back to the hotel. He said he would mail checks to pay for the cars later.
